Presents

"What do you mean I was stealing the sled? That floozy fatso is always giving things away! That means he has already consented to anyone coming along and taking whatever they want! People will know about this false theft allegation!"

Cassocks

Are you in trouble? Is law enforcement targeting you?

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STANDARD
Noticeably reduces the probability of being indicted of private crimes.

PREMIUM
Reduces almost to zero any likelihood of ever being convicted.

DELUXE
Offers lifetime protection against being called to testify in any court of law.

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Free market

"There's no reason why I should give you anything. If you want money, work for it."

"That's what the market sets for unqualified work. If you want to earn more, go to school."

"Education is a service like any other. If you want to learn, pay for it."