Tuesday, August 30, 2011



"The Moon causes tides in the ocean, and human beings are mostly water. So, it makes sense to claim that planets have an effect on our luck."

"But tides are a side effect of gravity, which is a property of every object with mass, not just planets. Right now this table is exerting on us a tidal force much greater than the Moon's."

"It's scientific!"

Lucky table. $1,999.95

Friday, August 26, 2011

A jealous god

A jealous god

"Yoo-hoo! I'm home early today"

"Quick! Hide before He sees you!"

Tuesday, August 23, 2011



"You're calling me inconsistent! Me, of all people, who has held the same ideas for decades now: when I do something, then it's fine, but when others do it, it's wrong! No one is as consistent as I am!"

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Royal blood

Royal blood

"Tsar Peter I, also known as Peter the Great, suffered from asthma. We know today that asthma has a genetic component. Peter's children got half his genes. His grandchildren got a quarter. His great-grandchildren got an eighth, and so on."

"And what you propose is...?"

"To identify direct descendants of Peter the Great and use their cells as a homeopathic remedy for asthma."

Friday, August 12, 2011

Mind over matter

Mind over matter

"And now I will show that mind affects physical reality."

"Really? How will you do that?"

"I will imagine an invisible object and you'll see how my dowsing rod is able to detect it."

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Protection to minors

Protection to minors

"Susie came to me and asked about those things they were talking about on TV. How was I supposed to explain that to her?"

"I'm writing to the production company right now."

"'Please refrain from using words like transcriptase or erythrocyte sedimentation when children might be watching TV."

Friday, August 5, 2011



"Tell me something, Jack..."


"Will you and I ever... get married?"

"Er... Well, Mercedes... You know it's not that simple... Just think, a man with my commitments and responsibilities... And it's just papers anyway. What matters is that we love each other, right? Besides..."

"Celibacy is indispensable to serve our Lord!"


Tuesday, August 2, 2011



"Look: when you can claim to have lived among frogs for so long as I have, to have personally studied every stage of their life cycle, to be able to tell species apart by their croaking... Then you can come back to me and tell me they're not birds!"