It's your parents

Bacteria

A concerned parent

"This sick society teaches that people I despise have the same human dignity I do. How will I explain to my child that he has to despise them as well?"

Father

"I loved my children! I was always seeing to their well-being. I kept telling then what to do, what to wear, who to go out with... But they never listened to me! I was patient and gave them plenty of chances... But, in the end, they left me with no choice but to throw them into the fire."

"A role model of a loving father."

Origami

"How can anyone figure out that by folding papers in such convoluted ways you can give them the shape of animals and things? Aliens brought origami, didn't they, dad?"

The power of faith

"Faith helps you endure the hardest tests life puts you through. Look at me, for example. If not for my faith, now I'd feel awful for locking my wife and child in a dungeon as my religion commands."

Protection to minors

"Susie came to me and asked about those things they were talking about on TV. How was I supposed to explain that to her?"

"I'm writing to the production company right now."

"'Please refrain from using words like transcriptase or erythrocyte sedimentation when children might be watching TV."

Fair punishment

"... so now I free all the defendants who repent of their crimes, because my innocent son is in jail in their place."

"An example of perfect justice!"

Emergency

"It's my fault! I should have taken better care of him!"

"It's nobody's fault. These things just happen. Look! Here he comes."

"MY BABY! What happened to you? Tell your mom!"

"The other kids... They dared me to make a rock so heavy I couldn't lift it myself."

"And he got a beautiful hernia."

"Don't you ever do that again! You almost scared me to death!"

Old Earth

"I'm sure it was around here somewhere... Behold! It's the one I made when I was your age. See if you can find something you can use for yours."

"Dad, this thing is full of fossils."

"Ah, yes. You see, son, in those days..."

"Aww... Look at the baby with his little world! Nice little world, baby! Can I have it? Ha ha."

"Leave me alone."

"Let's see... How much can it take?"

"NO!"

Sin

"Dad!"

"Hmm?"

"Look at what my creations are doing! I ordered them not to... I punished them... But they won't stop!"

"My son..."

"Yes, dad?"

"I think it's time for me to tell you about certain things."

Supreme authority

"NO! I told you all not to do that! STOP IT!"

"Darling, I'm worried about the baby. Why don't you talk with him?"

"Oh, that's just typical of his age. Better his toys now than his children when he grows up."

"I didn't give you free will for that! WORSHIP ME!"

The rope

"Look at it rise! Awesome!"

"Are you sure this is a good time to pull the rope?"

"Of course it is! Can't you see it rising? It's the best time for it!"

"Look! The fat guy dropped the rope!"

"Oh, no! The fat guy knows what he does! It must be about to fall! Drop it! Drop it before it drags you up!"

"The fat guy was right! See how it's falling!"

"Phew! We dropped the rope just on time. It could have dra—"

CRASH

"... and that, my son, is how bull and bear market works. Do you understand?"

"No."

"That's my boy!"