Kardashev

Understand

"We caught these specimens at different sites on the planet. We analyzed the utterances of one of them to decipher their language. But when we used to communicate with the other, it didn't understand us."

"That's humans alright."

SPEAKS A LANGUAGE
DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT

Greenpeace at Nazca

Ancient gods

Invaders

"My host is too old and weak. I need a new one."

"Yes, your majesty."

Origami

"How can anyone figure out that by folding papers in such convoluted ways you can give them the shape of animals and things? Aliens brought origami, didn't they, dad?"

Equality

"We bloxoidites have an egalitarian society. There is no oppression or slavery among us!"

"What about that one?"

"Huh? Oh, that's not a real bloxoidite. Real bloxoidites are green, you see."

Reptilians

"We're accused of dominating the world, of causing wars, of drinking blood... We're tired of being defamed! It's time for our voice to be heard!" "We don't disguise ourselves as humans to deceive anyone! We do it because we are afraid!" NO MORE ANTI-REPTILIANISM LIZARD PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE TOO

Moral of the story

"Well, son, what have we learned from today's read?" "Er... That earthlings are full of germs and must be cooked well before eating them?" "Very good!"

Al Pacino

"See? There's the proof you wanted! The newspapers confirm that Al Pacino does exist! Do you still doubt that he comes over to my place every Saturday to play cards?"

"See? Scientists admit that there might be life on other planets! Do you still doubt that Egyptian pyramids and crop circles are the work of alien visitors?"

Demarcation

"Yes, we can agree that it's an object. However, it doesn't look to me like it's flying. And it's pretty much identified, too. I'd appreciate it if you stopped wasting my time."

Abduction

"Here. Walk to the end of this hall to be probed. Then go to the fifth level and wait for the specialist who will put a tracking chip on your head. When you're done, bring the blue copy back to me and proceed to office number seven to have your memory erased and be added to the waiting list to be returned home."

Photographic evidence

"The usual skeptics must know that NASA itself examined this photo and certified that there's no digital manipulation."

Identification

Dummy

Somewhere over New Mexico, United Stated. July 1947.

"All ready for the crash test! Clear the area!"

Sightings

"Have you ever seen an alien spacecraft?"

"Have you ever seen an unidentified flying object?"

"Have you ever seen strange lights in the sky?"

"Have you ever seen anything unusual when looking up?"

"People who have had a sighting experience"

"How can skeptics keep doubting the reality of alien visits in the face of the testimony of so many eyewitnesses?"

Cosmic accident

"Ok, atheist guy, explain this. If the earth were closer to the sun, it would get scorched. If it were farther from the sun, it would freeze. It is, however, at the right distance for life to exist. So, tell me: who put the planet in this ideal place? Who did it, eh? Who?"

"That I'd like to know! Who put that planet there? We were supposed to need a sterile universe for this experiment!"

"I'm sorry, professor, but... There are billions and billions of planets to control, and I don't have any help!"

Disclosure

Yes, I know it's not realistic. A real paranormal researcher would never link to his sources.

(And credit to Lola for suggesting the ufologist's name.)

NASA News

First images from Herbert

The space probe Herbert has entered Mars orbit this morning and is already sending pictures of the surface. Please note that these are preliminary images — definitive versions with higher resolution and no compression artifacts visible will be available at a later time.

Marvin's Mysteries

NASA ADMITS TO PHOTO MANIPULATION!

Proof of my assertions that government agencies are hiding the truth about alien presence in our Solar System has surfaced — and from the horse's mouth itself! In this document I had access to, NASA admits to manipulating space probe photos to delete artifacts visible on the surface of Mars. What are these artifacts for? They candidly tell us: they are for compression purposes. For compressing space-time to make faster-than-light travel possible, perhaps? The possibilities are overwhelming. Gotcha, NASA! How will you cover this up now?

They’re here

"They mutilate cattle. They abduct people. They perform horrible experiments on their victims. And the question is: Why? What goals do they pursue?"

"What the...?"

"It's them! Ha ha ha! They're here! They're here! They're...!"

"What do you mean by 'libel'?"

Contact

"Now that we are in this place so calm and full of energy, let's communicate telepathically with the beings from the cosmos. Let's ask them to come down here and take us to another planet."

"Look! Up there!"

"Good evening! Did you call for a cab?"