Incitement

Fake

Police report

"Why do you never come here when it's other people getting robbed? Huh? I will not take your report. I am against ALL crime, not just crime that happens to be against you."

Tough

"I'll tell you what's wrong with the world: authorities are too soft! We need to do away with this 'human rights' nonsense! Me mustn't be afraid of harsh punishments!

"But FOR OTHER PEOPLE! Not for ME!"

Fingerprints

"Fingerprints can tell us a lot about someone! They tell us, for example, that this gentleman was involved in last week's jewelry store robbery."

Traffic infraction

"Did you know you were going at twice the allowed speed?"

"I was speeding ironically?"

"Oh! I'm sorry. Please, go on."

Mugger

"Stop right there!"

"Look. It's one of those authoritarian types who won't let you choose freely between your money and your life."

"They're so nosy and meddlesome."

Glorification

"You can't attend a costume party as a policeman!"

"Dressing like that is a glorification of violence!"

Criminal

"There's nothing you can do! I injected myself with the blood serum of a diplomat! Now I've got immunity! HA HA HA HA HA!"

"You are under arrest for crimes against property, biology, semantics and common sense."

"Damn."

Provocation

"What? It's not my fault! Can't you see how she's dressed?"

"What? It's not my fault! Didn't you see she was in a demonstration?"

Flowchart

Suspect

"The male was found in the suspicious circumstance of knowing his own rights, and was therefore promptly taken into custody to be questiones about any felonies he might be involved in..."

Palmistry

Of course it's a science! Look at how the police examines the lines of the fingers to find out whether someone is a criminal."

Drink ye all

"You're in big trouble, buddy. Your blood alcohol content is way over the legal limit."

Misunderstanding

"Freeze! Drop the fruit!"

"But—"

"Drop it! Now!"

Crime scene

"The killer knew what he was doing. The instrument was inserted at the exact acupuncture point to disrupt the vital chi flow."

"Can we bring in another coroner?"

Persecution

"What do you mean I can't burn heretics? What happened to freedom of religion?

Comments

FBI OnLine

CASE FILE # 5483217617

Crime
Murder

Victim
SCHMOE, Joseph L.

Perpetrator
Unknown

Details
Mr. Schmoe was murdered with multiple strokes of a cleaver while he was watching television. Witnesses reported having seen a tall male subject with a ski mask running away from the house at the time of the crime.

416 comments

WORST. CRIME. EVER.

This murder is idiotic. A cleaver? Come on! There are a hundred better ways to whack a dude.

O RLY? Well, if it's so easy, why don't you go out and murder someone yourself?

This person died because he failed to follow the instructions in this comment, AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE READ IT, THE SAME WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. Copy and paste this comment in three other case files, and you'll meet your true love. Otherwise, you'll find an untimely, gruesome death.

FIRST!!!!

CSI

"We found this glass slipper at the end of the stairs."

"Take it to the lab and have it checked for toeprints. And tell the boys to give it top priority. The prince wants this case solved as soon as possible."

CSI: Cinderella's Shoe Investigation