Heraclitus

Black powder

"Look. Now black powder is a fad. Suddenly everyone is into it."

"Posers."

Long-lived

"If Christian religion weren't true, it wouldn't have existed for two thousand years, don't you think?"

"Hi. What are you talking about?"

"How much you like to stick your nose where nobody is calling you."

School assignment

"This is today's assignment."

Middle Ages

Imagine you are a medieval peasant.

"This is blank."

"Medieval peasants couldn't write."

Rome

"Take note. 'To Titus Modicus Spurious, commander of the Twenty-seventh Legion...'"

"Should I write 'twenty-seven' in letters or in letters?"

Churchill

"What the—?"

"Listen to me, Winston. I have come back in time to bring you a warning. Certain people will request an audience today. You must not grant it. They will call themselves anti-fascists, but in actuality they are fascists of the future trying to erase you from history."

History

"This 20th century history book is full of atrocities committed by atheists like you."

"Today's paper is full of atrocities committed by clergymen."

Newton

"You see, Lord Cobblestone... All the bodies are attracted to each other by a force directly proportional to their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. This attraction is also true for heavenly bodies. If not for it, the moon would fly off away from Earth on a straight line. So we have... Er...

"This one."

"Yay!"

Royal blood

"Tsar Peter I, also known as Peter the Great, suffered from asthma. We know today that asthma has a genetic component. Peter's children got half his genes. His grandchildren got a quarter. His great-grandchildren got an eighth, and so on."

"And what you propose is...?"

"To identify direct descendants of Peter the Great and use their cells as a homeopathic remedy for asthma."

Innovation

"Yes, I know. Codices are very practical and modern. But nothing will ever replace the experience of unrolling a real book and feeling the parchment slide under your finger as you uncover its secrets..."

Excommunication

Rome, January 3rd, 1521

Mr. Martin Luther:

It is my duty as president of the Holy Trinity Fan Club to inform you that your membership has been revoked due to your insistence on writing fan fiction that strays notoriously from canon.

Sincerely,
Leo X

The true history

"Ha ha! I sailed West to the Indies and proved the scientific dogma wrong. I rule and you drool!"

"Not so fast, Columbus! We still have an ace up our sleeve to save face."

"... and for five centuries they have made people believe in an imaginary continent in the middle of the ocean. We are actually in China, and the China we were told about was made up by the media!"

"That has to be the third or fourth most ridiculous conspiracy theory I have ever heard."

"Of course you'll think that, sheeple. Baaaaa!"

Education 2

This had been happening for some time now. No, some more time.

"Our educational policy is backfiring, Your Excellency!"

"Explain yourself, mister Secretary."

"Too many people are illiterate and can't read our corrected and expurgated history books."

Apollo 11

On July 20th, 1969, the whole world saw Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin walking on the Moon.

Only a few, however, know that they were not alone.

All these years, NASA has jealously kept that information under wraps.

"S... O... S... Crewman... stranded... Send... help...

"I can't wait to lay hands on that pair of jokers."

David

Some culture to celebrate the hundredth Flea Snobbery cartoon!

"Shame on you, signor Buonarroti! You're depicting and impossibly perfect physical ideal and creating self-esteem issues in the young!

The saint

(Children, don't learn your history from cartoons. No, people back then weren't executed over such simple stupidities. They were executed over much more complex, sophisticated stupidities.)

"After a long deliberation, it has been decided to use the chronopod to bring Sir Thomas More to the present. We are certain that the example set by the Church martyr and saint will strengthen the faith in these times of secularism and blasphemy."

"The Holy Bible must be in Latin! HERETICS!"

Galileo

"Galileo, you must recant your theories. They run counter to ages-old wisdom."

"And yet it moves."

"Scientists wave their theories to dismiss my ages-old wisdom. Just like they did to Galileo!"

Theory

But... It's just a theory!

Montbard, France. 18th century...

"My long years studying the natural world have led me to the inescapable conclusion that living forms were created in the beginning of time as we see them today—"

"Ah!"

"What...? Who are you?"

"I'm TIME TRAVELING CHARLES DARWIN!"

"Time? What do you—?"

"Monsieur de Buffon, I urge you to put forward these ideas in the Natural History you are writing!"

"Change in species? Common ancestry between man and ape? I can't write this. It's preposterous and blasphemous!"

"You will! Or else I'll go back in time and prevent you from ever being born!

"No one must know that I single-handedly made up the whole idea of evolution in a bid to destroy Western civilization! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

"Next stop: Baghdad, ninth century!"

"... and that explains all those texts about evolution before Darwin you just mentioned. Now can you prove that never happened? Ha! I didn't think so."

Times gone by

"Politics is such a nasty business! Those people could kill each other over some power."

"What ever happened to the noble ideals of out forefathers?"

"The leaders of the opposition party were executed last Friday for conspiring to seize the government."

"Those scoundrels truly had it coming their way."

Contract

"About the clause stipulating that all the materials used have to be local..."

"That's not negotiable. We compromised enough already by commissioning a national monument to foreign contractors."