Heraclitus

Theoretical-practical approach

St. Thomas Aquinas's arguments are indeed very rational and logical.

"I have found the scholastic arguments of Holy Doctor Thomas Aquinas become more persuasive with a practical demonstration."

"The torch is hot in actuality. The wood, only in potentiality. Fire can make it go from potentiality to actuality. Want to see?"

"No! I'm convinced! God is the uncaused cause of everything! It's obvious!"

Philosophy

"The first step in the way to wisdom is to ignore the pedantic aphorisms some people make up like they know the way to wisdom."

The problem of evil

"If God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnibenevolent, why does evil exist? Theologians and philosophers have debated the issue for centuries."

"Hooray! Well, just one more level and then I'll eradicate evil from the world."

Saint Thomas

Nothing can be its own cause, and an infinite regress of causes is not possible. Therefore, there must be a first uncaused cause which created the world in seven days and made man out of clay, but man sinned and fell from the uncaused cause's grace, so later it had to destroy its creation except for a family and a couple of every animal species, but this didn't work out either, so the uncaused cause had to incarnate itself as a man and die on a cross to redeem the world from sin, and even today the bread and the wine become the body and the blood of the uncaused cause so we can partake in its sacrifice.

Oh, and being gay is totally wrong. It just follows.

Plato

"It's a known fact that a Platonic relationship is one with no sex. An ideal relationship, on the other hand, involves lots of it. Therefore, 'Platonic ideal' is a contradiction in terms, so this old geezer has been disproved."

Pascal’s Wager

"Don't hesitate to bet on God existing. If you win, you win everything."

"What if I lose?"

"We don't worry about that. The house takes its share anyway."