Saint Thomas

Nothing can be its own cause, and an infinite regress of causes is not possible. Therefore, there must be a first uncaused cause which created the world in seven days and made man out of clay, but man sinned and fell from the uncaused cause's grace, so later it had to destroy its creation except for a family and a couple of every animal species, but this didn't work out either, so the uncaused cause had to incarnate itself as a man and die on a cross to redeem the world from sin, and even today the bread and the wine become the body and the blood of the uncaused cause so we can partake in its sacrifice.

Oh, and being gay is totally wrong. It just follows.