Tap water

Privilege

Bottom line

"If the company earns more, we will be able to pay more to our workers!"

"How will the company earn more?"

"We will pay less to our workers."

Risk

"I earn 'a lot of money,' as you put it, because I take great risks."

"What kind of risks?"

"Just imagine! If my business were to fail, I'd have to live the way you do."

Multinational

"We will no longer use unethical means to market genetically modified organisms."

"Yay!"

"That's what we wanted!"

"Now we will use unethical means to market perfectly natural products."

"Yes!"

"Hooray!"

Hugs

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Analysis

"Is the risk-benefit analysis ready?"

"It is."

"What does it say?"

"The benefit is for us and the risk is for other people."

"Excellent! We'll proceed with the new plans immediately."

Product range

"Basic package."

"Here. Read the manual carefully."

"Premium, please."

"Which extras do you want?"

Shells

Telemarketing

"Congratulations! The owner of this phone number has won the right to buy a car from us! If you want to buy it, do not enter the code 5617894125715 in the next three seconds.

Bundled

"Do you have any loose ideas?"

"Don't waste my time."

Sale

Competition

Product line

"... and this is for our new alternative line."

"I love it!"

100% marketing free!

Study

"The results of the study we funded are back."

"Wonderful! There will finally be an independent assessment of the evidence and the swindle of global warming will be debunked at last."

"Actually, our study shows a steady increase in surface temperatures during the twentieth century, at a rate accelerating in the last few decades."

"Why should we take this study at face value? It was funded by a group with vested political and economic interests in the issue!"

Work

"Be advised, sir, that this company considers hard work to be something that lifts and ennobles the human creature, and we are not willing to debase and corrupt such a precious thing by offering for it something as lowly as money."

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Opportunity

(You may have already noticed that Flea Snobbery has its own Facebook page now!)

"You can spend more than you planned and have stuff you don't need. Are you interested?"

"Huh? Why would I be interested in that?"

"You can save twenty percent if you take two more packages. Are you interested?"

"Saving? Of course!"

Robotics

"The key to our commercial success is that our industrial robots are shaped after a human worker."

"Doesn't that make them less efficient?"

"Yes, but it also makes yelling at them and mistreating them more personally fulfulling."

Additive

"Bad news, boss. Consumer advocacy groups are claiming we put substances in our cigarettes to make them addictive."

"Again? What are they saying we put in them now?"

"Tobacco."