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FBI OnLine

CASE FILE # 5483217617

Crime
Murder

Victim
SCHMOE, Joseph L.

Perpetrator
Unknown

Details
Mr. Schmoe was murdered with multiple strokes of a cleaver while he was watching television. Witnesses reported having seen a tall male subject with a ski mask running away from the house at the time of the crime.

416 comments

WORST. CRIME. EVER.

This murder is idiotic. A cleaver? Come on! There are a hundred better ways to whack a dude.

O RLY? Well, if it's so easy, why don't you go out and murder someone yourself?

This person died because he failed to follow the instructions in this comment, AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE READ IT, THE SAME WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. Copy and paste this comment in three other case files, and you'll meet your true love. Otherwise, you'll find an untimely, gruesome death.

FIRST!!!!

On the seventh day

"Phew! All this hard work to make Earth... And we still have to build Paradise? Bah! Let's just ban those down there from doing anything they like, so whatever they find here will look better in comparison."

"Thy will be done."

CSI

"We found this glass slipper at the end of the stairs."

"Take it to the lab and have it checked for toeprints. And tell the boys to give it top priority. The prince wants this case solved as soon as possible."

CSI: Cinderella's Shoe Investigation