On the wall

"I told you not to draw on the walls! I told you! Now these scholars will spend YEARS debating whether this is or isn't art!"

Human rights

"Who can tell me what human rights are for?"

"I can! I can! They're for charging countries we don't like with abusing them."

"Correct!"

Batman

"To rule out any cultural bias, the experiment was repeated in several cities around the world. In every case, most people correctly identified the picture."

"What is the conclusion?"

"Batman is determined evolutionarily."

Powers

"Look, this is a very important experiment. We need an irreproachable series of tests if we are to convince the world of your psychic abilities. So if you keep making the Zener cards come to life, you're sabotaging our efforts!"
"I'm sorry, professor."

Final exam

"This test decides whether you get your degree. You have come prepared, I expect."

"Of course!"

"For a long time I looked for someone who could pass the final exam of the alternative medicine career. No one gave me hope. But, when I was about to give up, along came Felix! I was amazed by his knowledge of the topic. He's just what I was trying to find!"

"You have passed!"

Rigorous

"And remember, students, that ufology is bound by the highest standard of scientific proof. Unless you have solid, incontrovertible evidence, you must NEVER put forward the idea that a UFO is anything else than an alien spaceship. Understood?"

"YES, TEACHER!"

Ad absurdum

"Many believe all atheists are jerks who don't respect other people's beliefs. This is not just unsopported opinion. It can be proven! Suppose there exists at least one atheist who respects other people's beliefs. Well, this atheist is disrespecting the belief that atheists don't respect other people's beliefs. Quod erat demonstrandum.

Cryptids

"Skeptics dismiss them as myth. Nothing but delusion and make-believe. But we know they're real!"

• Bigfoot


• Chupacabras


• Sea serpent


• Uppity professor who claims science knows everything

Quantum

"The subatomic universe follows different laws than our everyday macroscopic world..."

"... therefore, our everyday macroscopic world follows the same laws as the subatomic universe.

Vocabulary

Can someone explain to me where 200 cartoons came from?

"No way! Those names are synonymous with superstition and irrationality and I have banned them from my rationalistic, atheist vocabulary. It's a matter of principles!"

"As you wish, but if you don't tell me the names of the planets, you'll fail astronomy."

Research

"So, you want to research psychic phenomena?"

"Yes! They are very enigmatic and I think we need to know more about them."

"That's fine. Our institution will sponsor your project."

Years later...

"Well, professor? What has your team found so far?"

"We have confirmed beyond any doubt that psychic phenomena are indeed very enigmatic and we need to know more about them."

"Amazing! We have to publish these findings at once!"

Crash course

"Welcome, students. My name is doctor Albert and I will be your teacher in this course on alternative and complementary medicine. Please memorize this table. When you're done with it, proceed to the next room for the graduation ceremony. Good luck in your careers!

Equality

"Proof that men and women are equal. Major magazines targeted at both demographics feature seductive women on the cover and content oriented to man's sexual gratification. I rest my case."

Situational Reverence

"Oooh! The ageless wisdom of the elderly."

"Bah! The stubborn conservatism of old folks."