Efficacy

"My spiritual advisor told me to wear this to protect myself against envy."

"It's working. I don't envy you at all."

Education

"Literacy rates are at a historic low. More and more children are unschooled every year. This situation is not compatible with democracy, mister president!"

"I see."

"... therefore, I have appointed myself supreme dictator for life, as this regime is better suited to our educational system."

Wisdom

"He who has no material possessions longs for them. He who walks wants a car. He who rents dreams of owning his home. By surrounding myself with luxury and riches, I free my soul from those earthly preoccupations and can focus on my spiritual growth."

"So wise!"

"So enlightened!"

Natal chart

"Your astrological survey is ready, my dear! Venus tells me that you suffered from unrequited love when you were a young girl, but eventually you got over it. You're not totally happy with your job, but it gives you great satisfaction sometimes. You have some hidden talents many people know nothing abou—"

"Hey, you're telling me a lot of vague things that could be said of anyone. There's nothing specific about me!"

"Oh... Well... Well, how do you expect planets to be able to tell people apart from as far away as they are? Come on, my dear, let's be serious here!"

Alternative

You can stop being held hostage by the food barons!

Did you know that food is a multi-billion industry for the benefit of a few people?

Did you know that it is these few people who keep in place the outdated materialistic paradigm of food as a mere bunch of proteins, vitamins and carbohydrates?

Did you know that it is in this poweful lobby’s interest that the world hunger problem is never solved to keep a market for their products?

Break the shackles!
Try now the Alternative Foods of Doctor Randolph™!

The Alternative Foods* of Doctor Randolph** have been created to satisfy the nutritional requirements of the body, the mind and the spirit.

Quantum Talc Powder
Magnetic Rosewood
Aura Lacquer
Vibrational Cardboard
Energetic Brick
Millenary Polyester

No fats! No cholesterol!
No chemical preservatives!

* The Alternative Foods of Doctor Randolph must be in no way taken for a substitute for regular nourishment as they are meant only as a complement thereof.
** The word “doctor” is used for illustrative purposes only.

Values

"Woman condemned to death for adultery in Saudi Arabia. Human rights groups try to stop the execution."

"That's outrageous!"

"You can say that again! Who do these groups think they are to impose their values on another culture?"

"It's sickeningly imperialistic."

Reality

"How can you be so stubborn? It's quantum physics that says we create our own reality with our thoughts. It's a scientific fact!"

"In that case, why do you bother trying to convince me? Just create a reality where I believe you."

"Bu— but... It doesn't work that way!"

"Well, create a reality where it does work that way."

"Bah! You're impossible!"

"Have you arrived to a reality where you can't hear me yet?"

"SHUT UP!"

Leaflet

RELIGIOX™

QUALITATIVE COMPOSITION
Contents: dogma, arbitrary doctrine, tradition, ritual, excipient (fluff).

INDICATIONS
Symptomatic treatment for cases of depression, existential anguish, crippling terror of death, despair, chronic amorality, extreme curiosity in children.

THERAPEUTIC EFFECTS
According to dosage and form of administration: sedative, euphorizing, antidepressant, social cohesive, contraceptive.

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS
Addiction, hallucinations, sloppy thinking, superiority complex, emotional hypersensitivity, bouts of rage, suicidal tendencies, loss of will, loss of personal identity, loss of assets.

CONTRAINDICATIONS
Not recommended for psychiatric patients.