Wand

Barrel

"Someone left the spigot open."

"Good heaven!"

THE POPE LAMENTED THE SPILLAGE OF BLOOD

The sea

"Just look at this sea. How can you look at this and still be an atheist?"

"You're right. Poseidon is great!"

"There is no Poseidon, you damn pagan!"

Cruelty

"Your situation is regrettable, but I don't believe in opening locks. Making people act against their beliefs is cruel."

Indubitable

"It's the word of God written in the Bible! If it's the word of God written in the Bible then it's true!"

"It's a YouTube video with synthetic voice and the X-Files theme! If it's a YouTube video with synthetic voice and the X-Files theme then it's true!

Contrary evidence

"I believe humans are rational creatures and will change their ideas if presented with scientific evidence that they are wrong."

"There studies say otherwise."

"Bah! Those studies are rubbish."

Shooting star

"Look! A shooting star! Make a wish!"

"Done."

"What did you wish for?"

"I wished for you to stop ruining natural wonders with your superstitions."

Ouija

"Look! It's moving! It must be spirits! Or demons!"

"Or unconscious muscular movements."

"There's no such thing!"

Inspiration

"But it says here that—"

"Fool! You don't get it, right? I believe the Bible says what God inspires me to believe it says, not what we read with our fallible eyes!"

Soul

Black hole

Understanding

"I can't understand non-believers. How do you people deal with the hopelessness of a life without God?"

"I can't understand non-smokers. How do you people deal with the anxiety and lack of concentration?"

Missionary

"Good morning, madam! Kindly renounce your beliefs and adopt mine.

How rude.

Unicorns

"Hey, I was told you believe in unicorns. Is that true? Ha ha ha!"

"Of course not! That would be ridiculous! I believe in a particular unicorn!"

"Oh! That's totally different. I'm sorry."

Ad absurdum

"Many believe all atheists are jerks who don't respect other people's beliefs. This is not just unsopported opinion. It can be proven! Suppose there exists at least one atheist who respects other people's beliefs. Well, this atheist is disrespecting the belief that atheists don't respect other people's beliefs. Quod erat demonstrandum.

Robbery

"Stop! Hands up!"

"No! Please, don't shoot!

"Hey, wait a minute... That is not a gun. That's a finger!"

"Eh? What are you talking about? This is totally a gun!"

"It's a finger!"

"You'd better believe this is a gun or else I'll shoot you!

"I give up. What's the trick?"

Orthogonal

"The order of the world reflects the order of the supreme mind governing it."

"See? Kurt Gödel, a great rational mind, believed in God! It's atheists who are dumb!"

"Smart people are very good at rationalizing things they came to believe for non-smart reasons."

"Wrong, Shermer! If they were smart, they'd be atheists!"

Detector

"Since you will only believe in what can be detected and measured, check this out. This instrument registers physiological reactions related to the fact of being offended, giving an objective, scientific assessment of the reliability of beliefs."

"The premise is invalid. Your being offended because your beliefs are being questioned doesn't make those beliefs true."

DING

"Gotcha!"

Calm

"Ok, darling, let me tell you a little something. I understand what you're telling me about "evidence" and "scientific method". What I know, however, is that teachings of Guru Sanalachankla about the universe and the self have made me a very serene person and filled me with spiritual peace. And someone who doesn't know the first thing about them won't tell me won't tell me that tye are wrong! IS THAT CLEAR?"

"Perfectly."

Offended

"Can you believe how rude that atheist is? He compared my Lord Jesus Christ to the silly superstitions of the New Age."

"Yeah! When he talked to me he likened my worship of Nature to the patriarchal oppressive cult that is Christianity."

"So disrespectful."

"And intolerant!"