Quality control

Imaginary

Confessional

"Have you had impure thoughts, my child?"

"Oh, no, father. My thoughts have been pure lust."

Like animals

"Enough! Stop it! Stop having sex like animals! You're supposed to mate only to breed and perpetuate the species! AND THAT'S IT!

Priests

"Yes, worshipping gods other than Mambrutu is an abberration. But who am I to judge you if you feel that? What IS wrong is for you to insist upon an alleged 'right' to celebrate mass."

"Oh, Lord! Behold your martyr Church!"

Those were the times

"Do you remember when you could say apostates, blasphemers and sodomites were bound for Hell, and no one would bat an eye?"

"Those were the times! Everyone is hypersensitive now. They'll throw a fit if you just open your mouth."

"A war, that's what they need."

Priest

"Brethren! Hark my words! The mighty Invisible Hand is punishing us for allowing such sins as as minimum wage and public healthcare to thrive in our midst. We must cast workers into unemployment to placate his wrath so He'll grant us prosperity again!"

Etymology

"I've got nothing against you people. I respect you a lot. But you shouldn't use the word ecclesiastical. Ecclesiastical comes from ecclesia, which was an assembly of Athenian citizens. You are not an assembly of Athenian citizens. Words have meaning."

Barrel

"Someone left the spigot open."

"Good heaven!"

THE POPE LAMENTED THE SPILLAGE OF BLOOD

Resistance

"We must strongly oppose these attempts at establishing in the West a theocracy different from that which by rights ought to be established."

Dress

"Priests are so annoying! They act like they're so tolerant, but they're a bunch of hypocritical homophobes.

Look! There goes one. Hey! Nice dress! Is it a Chanel? Fag.

"Religion shouldn't exist. It's totally unnecessary."

"Yeah, I can tell."

Differences

"God created man and woman different and assigned each of them their own purpose. That's the natural order of things. It's no use to question it."

"No more dogma!"

"Booo!"

"Men and women don't have the same interests and occupations because they evolved differently. It's scientific."

"No, it isn't."

"Don't question science."

Advance

Cell phone

"Beware of your cell phone! It will make you sterile!"

"Contraception is a sin!"

The treachery of images

"Who did this?"

Ceci n'est pas un dieu

Product range

"Basic package."

"Here. Read the manual carefully."

"Premium, please."

"Which extras do you want?"

Hole

The ABC

"A did a bad thing. That makes B a horrible person. Therefore, C needs to be punished. Is it clear enough or do I need to make is simpler?"

Laws

Serum

"We have accidentally developed this serum that can turn anyone permanently heterosexual."

"Really? Can I see?"

"Of course, there's the matter of whether it's ethical to change someone's sex orientation."

"Er... Oh, yeah... Leave the ethics to us. We are experts."

"It's made with cells from aborted fetuses."

"Oh, Lord! Why must you put us through these tests?"