Resistance

"We must strongly oppose these attempts at establishing in the West a theocracy different from that which by rights ought to be established."

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Priesthood

"Will you people ever accept female priests?"

"Are you out of your mind? What if they treat men the same way we male priests treat women?"

Paradox

"The issue poses questions that can't be solved using conventional logic. For instance: what if someone went back in time and prevented himself from ever being born?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well?"

"Time travel is abortive."

"I see. We'll issue a press release condemning it as soon as possible."

Commitment

"Tell me something, Jack..."

"Mhmm?"

"Will you and I ever... get married?"

"Er... Well, Mercedes... You know it's not that simple... Just think, a man with my commitments and responsibilities... And it's just papers anyway. What matters is that we love each other, right? Besides..."

"Celibacy is indispensable to serve our Lord!"

"Amen!"

Sacrilege

"Your Excellency, we have a situation we don't know how to handle. You see, the media are reproducing a sacrilegious image of Our Lord and His Holy Mother."

"What's the problem? This offense to the faith must be condemned immediately!"

"It's not that simple, Excellency. The image appeared miraculously in a convent."