Miraculous

The body of Christ

The day has arrived! We are celebrating Cook Jesus Day along with Flea Snobbery's fourth anniversary. Don't forget to post your delicious blasphemy today to the Facebook page, or tweet it using the hashtag #CookJesusDay. And your likeness might end up immortalized in pixels by the author of this blog!

"Hoc est enim corpus meum!"

"I see your seminarist is still practicing. Can he make the flesh of Christ have the attributes of bread now?"

"Well, not exactly... but he can make the flesh to be cured and spiced, which is appreciated by the congregation."

Apprentice

Happy Blaspemy Day!

"Hoc est enim corpus meum!"

"This is one of our seminarists. He's practicing the consecration of the gifts."

"Is he good at it?"

"Sort of. He manages to turn the bread into Christ's flesh, but can't make the flesh have the attributes of bread."

"I see."

Holy Bible

"You are right. I refused to see it, but... You were right all along. The Bible has many things wrong, both factually and morally.

"I was taught since I was a kid that the Bible is God's word, and that God is never wrong. According to my most intimate beliefs, this is impossible."

"So? What is your conclusion?"

"Well... Well, that... That is something impossible has happened... Then it's a miracle! Thank you, Lord, for giving me such a clear sign when my faith was faltering!"

Sacrilege

"Your Excellency, we have a situation we don't know how to handle. You see, the media are reproducing a sacrilegious image of Our Lord and His Holy Mother."

"What's the problem? This offense to the faith must be condemned immediately!"

"It's not that simple, Excellency. The image appeared miraculously in a convent."

Miracle

"Hallelujah, my friends! The Lord has chosen me to father the new Messiah!"

"Really? How's that?"

"My girlfriend is pregnant even though I'm virgin. It's a miracle!"