Miraculous

John 3:16

Matthew 19:14

"Let the children come to me."

Coexistence

"It's a Biblical truth! Dinosaurs and man lived together. That's why they went extinct! God doesn't approve of living together with any man without being married. Is that clear?"

"Uhh... Yes."

The limits of science

"Professor! You are playing God!"

"I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in pain you shall bring forth children."

The tallest

Sears Tower
442 meters
Chicago, 1973

Petronas Towers
452 meters
Kuala Lumpur, 1998

Taipei 101
509 meters
Taipei, 2004

Burj Khalifa
828 meters
Dubai, 2010

"Well?"

"Still no new languages among the workers, sir."

"We must keep pushing until we find the minimum required height."

Daughters of Lot

"Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father."

"I couldn't find wine, but I got some tequila, limes and a few bits of our mother."

Indubitable

"It's the word of God written in the Bible! If it's the word of God written in the Bible then it's true!"

"It's a YouTube video with synthetic voice and the X-Files theme! If it's a YouTube video with synthetic voice and the X-Files theme then it's true!

Holy Week

"For God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not work, but have a four-day vacation."

Multiplication

"Four rows of three loaves. Four times three... Twelve loaves!"

"Excellent, rabbi! Now try with the fish."

Label

It's true!

"There has been an outrage because your shop label the Bible as 'fiction.'"

"It was a mistake we deeply regret. We never meant to offend fiction lovers."

Inspiration

"But it says here that—"

"Fool! You don't get it, right? I believe the Bible says what God inspires me to believe it says, not what we read with our fallible eyes!"

The sermon on the mount

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Except for those parts of the law my followers disagree with in two thousand years. Those are totally abolished."

Samuel and Saul

"The Lord sent me to anoint thee to be king over his people, over Israel: now therefore hearken thou unto the voice of the words of the Lord. Thus saith the Lord of hosts, I remember that which Amalek did to Israel, how he laid wait for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt. Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling. But not fetuses, for they are human beings and life is sacred upon the Lord."

"The will of the Lord shall be done."

Holy Bible

"You are right. I refused to see it, but... You were right all along. The Bible has many things wrong, both factually and morally.

"I was taught since I was a kid that the Bible is God's word, and that God is never wrong. According to my most intimate beliefs, this is impossible."

"So? What is your conclusion?"

"Well... Well, that... That is something impossible has happened... Then it's a miracle! Thank you, Lord, for giving me such a clear sign when my faith was faltering!"

I am that I am

"What is this? Who are you?"

"I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob...

"... and this is totally disrespectful. Pst!"

Divine inspiration

"Are you taking notes? You will have to write a book for the others to learn about this all too."

"Yeah, yeah..."

Genesis

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

SPLASH

"I just needed a little bit to fill my earth. It's without form and void!"

"I don't care! I told you many times to always create a light before moving upon the face of the waters!"

The law

"For I have designed thee, thou shalt abide by these laws which I shall give thee..."

"Sixth law: no man shall kill another man, except when this would conflict with laws number one to five. Seventh law..."

Interpretation

"Noah, didn't God tell you, in so many words, that he was about to flood the world and you had to build an ark?"

"Yeah, but the priest told me it was all a metaphor."