Showing posts with label pope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pope. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Enlightenment

Enlightenment

"Come, Holy Spirit. Help me overcome close-mindedness."

"I'm a sociocultural construct, result of centuries' worth of syncretism."

"That's not true!"

Friday, October 9, 2015

Statement

Statement

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Barrel

Barrel

"Someone left the spigot open."

"Good heaven!"

THE POPE LAMENTED THE SPILLAGE OF BLOOD

Friday, February 13, 2015

Ecumenism

Ecumenism

"There is no need to be Catholic to acknowledge me as ultimate authority and do as I say."

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Je n’en ai pas besoin

Je n'en ai pas besoin

"Maybe you have no need of that hypothesis, monsieur Laplace... But we do!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Homily

Homily

"Before God and his people I express my sorrow and humbly ask forgiveness for the sins and grave crimes of the church that we can no longer hide or deny without losing face."

Friday, December 6, 2013

Francis!

Francis!

It's Francis! Blessed representative of the Kingdom of Heaven who brings us the word of Jesus! Francis! Who fights against exclusion!

"Who am I to judge them?"

Who rises up to economic power! And who, disguised as Jorge, judgmental cardinal from a Latin American country...

"Gay marriage is a move by the devil."

... fights a never-ending battle for submission, irrational belief and the Catholic way!"

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Change

Change

"I don't judge them, but what they do is a sin."

"What a bigot!"

"What they do is a sin, but I don't judge them."

"At last some opening up!"

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Holy Father

Holy Father

"Holy Father, children are hungry."

"We shall pray for them."

"Holy Father, people are dying from preventable disease."

"We shall pray for them."

"Holy Father, gay people are getting married and women are making decisions about their own bodies."

"This is unacceptable! We will pressure lawmakers into doing something about it!"

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Invaders

Invaders

"My host is too old and weak. I need a new one."

"Yes, your majesty."

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Cassocks

Cassocks

Are you in trouble? Is law enforcement targeting you?

Our products are 100% juridical Kevlar.

STANDARD
Noticeably reduces the probability of being indicted of private crimes.

PREMIUM
Reduces almost to zero any likelihood of ever being convicted.

DELUXE
Offers lifetime protection against being called to testify in any court of law.

Guaranteed!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Excommunication

Excommunication

Rome, January 3rd, 1521

Mr. Martin Luther:

It is my duty as president of the Holy Trinity Fan Club to inform you that your membership has been revoked due to your insistence on writing fan fiction that strays notoriously from canon.

Sincerely,
Leo X

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Due reverence

Due reverence

"What? I shook his hand and said 'good afternoon, sir, nice to meet you.' Wasn't I supposed to be respectful?"

Friday, March 27, 2009

In the limbo

In the limbo

Try and stop me!

"Your Holiness would be well advised to keep in mind that these people work from dawn until dusk to afford food and clothing."

"Okey-dokey."

"We ought not to neglect our spiritual well-being. Many here live only to acquire material things."