Counterargument

"If there is no God, how do you explain that you'll go to Hell for being an atheist? It makes no sense!"

Hypocrisy

"If you're such an atheist, why do you live in this world made by God? Huh? Hypocrite!

The sea

"Just look at this sea. How can you look at this and still be an atheist?"

"You're right. Poseidon is great!"

"There is no Poseidon, you damn pagan!"

Dress

"Priests are so annoying! They act like they're so tolerant, but they're a bunch of hypocritical homophobes.

Look! There goes one. Hey! Nice dress! Is it a Chanel? Fag.

"Religion shouldn't exist. It's totally unnecessary."

"Yeah, I can tell."

Differences

"God created man and woman different and assigned each of them their own purpose. That's the natural order of things. It's no use to question it."

"No more dogma!"

"Booo!"

"Men and women don't have the same interests and occupations because they evolved differently. It's scientific."

"No, it isn't."

"Don't question science."

Outsourcing

"Why don't you draw Muhammad too? Craven atheist!"

"Why don't you do your own dirty work? Lazy Christian!"

Sexism

"A charity foundation has been reported for discriminating against women."

"Sexist religionists!"

"It's a secular foundation run by atheists."

"Hysterical feminazis!"

Horus

"Horus was born on December 25th from a virgin!"

"That's not true."

"Horus died and was resurrected!"

"Stop it!"

"Horus had twelve disciples!"

History

"This 20th century history book is full of atrocities committed by atheists like you."

"Today's paper is full of atrocities committed by clergymen."

Boredom

"Please clarify something for me, because I don't think I heard you right. Atheists bore you because all they talk about is what?" "Uuuhh..."

Empathy

"So you get hit on at conventions, huh? Poor thing! You must really envy the lot of women in Middle East."

"So, you have to endure the sight of Our Lord in public buildings? Those sentenced to death for apostasy in Middle East must pity you a lot."

"You're just minimizing the issue because it doesn't affect you!"

Ashes

"This was an atheist who tried to set a church ablaze. As soon as he lit a match, he caught fire himself and burned down in a matter of minutes."

"That's horrible! How come he burned so easily?"

"He was made of straw."

Fanaticism

"I will plant it at the abortion clinic! Those ungodly baby killers will be burning in Hell tomorrow!"

"No! Don't do it! That's as bad as writing atheist books and blogs criticizing religion!"

Crusade

"You are done, infidel! Your days of mocking God and the Church are over! Get ready to face the Lord's terrible justice!"

"No, brother Athanasius! Don't do it!"

"What? What's the matter, brother Irenaeus?"

"One more and we'll have killed as many people as that atheist Stalin!"

"Good Heaven! I was about to commit an atrocity!"

Flowchart

Understanding

"I can't understand non-believers. How do you people deal with the hopelessness of a life without God?"

"I can't understand non-smokers. How do you people deal with the anxiety and lack of concentration?"

Ad absurdum

"Many believe all atheists are jerks who don't respect other people's beliefs. This is not just unsopported opinion. It can be proven! Suppose there exists at least one atheist who respects other people's beliefs. Well, this atheist is disrespecting the belief that atheists don't respect other people's beliefs. Quod erat demonstrandum.

Consolation

"You atheists have such a bleak, nihilistic message! How can you be so insensitive as to destroy people's and consolation in the face of death?"

"I'm sorry, madam. Your husband died in mortal sin and is burning in Hell now."

"NOOOOO!"

Delusion

"Okay, granted. But... You're admitting that if he didn't say those things about possible universes and the evolutionary origin of religion, the you'd agree with him on everything! That is fundamentalism too!"

"Can I read, please?"

Orthogonal

"The order of the world reflects the order of the supreme mind governing it."

"See? Kurt Gödel, a great rational mind, believed in God! It's atheists who are dumb!"

"Smart people are very good at rationalizing things they came to believe for non-smart reasons."

"Wrong, Shermer! If they were smart, they'd be atheists!"