God's love

"That's not true! God doesn't say we'll go to Hell if we don't love him."

"He doesn't?"

"No! He says that if we do love him, then we WON'T go to hell."

"Uh-huh."

Counterargument

"If there is no God, how do you explain that you'll go to Hell for being an atheist? It makes no sense!"

Nice Guy

"I created them out of love. I made a wonderful Eden for them to live in. I'm such a nice guy, yet they disobeyed me and left!"

"That was so long ago. Isn't it time you get ov—"

"Those bastards and their descendants will implore my forgiveness or burn in Hell."

Reward and punishment

"Welcome! Here the souls of the righteous spend eternity in the presence of God, singing their praises to Him forever!"

"I see... And what about the souls of the damned?"

"Same thing, except they don't get drugs to bear it."

Charon

"So, 'render unto Caesar,' huh? Well, buddy, unless you can return and bring back some of Caesar's spare change, you're stuck here for a while."

"Okay, okay... I'll be right back."

Consolation

"You atheists have such a bleak, nihilistic message! How can you be so insensitive as to destroy people's and consolation in the face of death?"

"I'm sorry, madam. Your husband died in mortal sin and is burning in Hell now."

"NOOOOO!"

Heating

"What's the matter down there? We're freezing here!"

"The last shipment of damned souls has a low content of sin and doesn't burn well. Tell the boss to be less strict about all that 'leading not into temptation' business."

Petition

"... and they demand that punishment be interrupted for one day every week, and be proportional to the offense, and..."

"Whose idea was it to send every activist rebel down here? Huh?

Price

"God loves humanity so much that he sent His only Son to pay the price for our sins."

"Does that mean Jesus is in Hell?"

"No, silly. Didn't you hear he was the boss's son? He was given a three day probation and sent home."

Downstairs

"Welcome to Hell! Here, this is on the house."

"This is Hell? I was told it was a place of pain and suffering."

"Well, remember who the ones who think so are."

"Indecency! Vice! Debauchery everywhere! AAAHH!"

Transfer

"We're moving again? We are still getting used to this!"

"Sorry, folks, but the church says now that what you did is no longer a sin and there's nothing we can do about it."

Hell

"Excuse me, but how are fire and tortures supposed to pain me if I no longer have a physical body?"

"Stop asking questions and start screaming! Are you trying to get us all laid off?"