Like animals

"Enough! Stop it! Stop having sex like animals! You're supposed to mate only to breed and perpetuate the species! AND THAT'S IT!

The meaning of life

"We don't exist by accident. Every one of the Lord's childres has been put upon the Earth with a purpose."

"What is mine?"

"To be your mother's punishment for having sex."

Lack

Consent

"I heard that you think that consent is very important in everything related to sex and reproduction."

"Of course! Consent is paramount."

"Good! In that case, to be consistent with yourself, you ought to help us fight sexual and reproductive practices the church does not consent to."

"Erm... I don't think you fully understand how this works."

Safe sex

"Sex outside of wedlock is against God's plan. It brings nothing but chaos to family and society."

"Buzz off, grandpa. Nobody listens to your backward opinions anymore."

"Only by getting married and remaining faithful can you practice safe sex. That's a scientific fact."

"Your cassock shows under the lab coat."

"No, it doesn't."

Plato

"It's a known fact that a Platonic relationship is one with no sex. An ideal relationship, on the other hand, involves lots of it. Therefore, 'Platonic ideal' is a contradiction in terms, so this old geezer has been disproved."