Offended

"Can you believe how rude that atheist is? He compared my Lord Jesus Christ to the silly superstitions of the New Age."

"Yeah! When he talked to me he likened my worship of Nature to the patriarchal oppressive cult that is Christianity."

"So disrespectful."

"And intolerant!"

Natural health

"This natural remedy you gave me made me worse!"

"Only if we accept the narrow definition of 'health' imposed by the medical establishment. I use a much broader alternative definition."

Morality

"But... I don't want to!"

"Look, I already explained to you that I firmly believe that there can be no morality without religion. So stop offending my beliefs and go shoot some people!"

The rope

"Look at it rise! Awesome!"

"Are you sure this is a good time to pull the rope?"

"Of course it is! Can't you see it rising? It's the best time for it!"

"Look! The fat guy dropped the rope!"

"Oh, no! The fat guy knows what he does! It must be about to fall! Drop it! Drop it before it drags you up!"

"The fat guy was right! See how it's falling!"

"Phew! We dropped the rope just on time. It could have dra—"

CRASH

"... and that, my son, is how bull and bear market works. Do you understand?"

"No."

"That's my boy!"

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Sightings

"Have you ever seen an alien spacecraft?"

"Have you ever seen an unidentified flying object?"

"Have you ever seen strange lights in the sky?"

"Have you ever seen anything unusual when looking up?"

"People who have had a sighting experience"

"How can skeptics keep doubting the reality of alien visits in the face of the testimony of so many eyewitnesses?"

Consciousness raising

"Renowned top model Michelle Libonatti staged a naked protest against Japanese whaling this afternoon."

"We want to work here. For free if necessary!"

"It's up to us to make sure the protests go on!"

Disclaimer

"What you are about to see is based on actual events. Some details have been changed for dramatic purposes."

"What are you watching?"

"The news."

Photography

"When you told me you took digital photos, I didn't think you meant that your finger shows up in all of them"