"Don't you see what's happening? Don't you see you're all slaves? There's an elite manipulating world events to keep us submissive! Stop ignoring the terrible truth! Open your eyes and face it!"
"But... What if you're wrong? What if there's no one at the top with that kind of control? What if things happen for reasons more complicated than "evil people rule the earth"? What if the world is a chaotic mess with no master plan to it?"
"Here, at this Congress on Scientific Spirituality, we are honored to have Master Chankramunda, who will teach us to cure acne with quantum meditation; Sister María Fulgence, who will explain that vaccination is the leading cause of reality television; and Nepomuceno Saldivar, creator of a system to obtain clean unlimited energy from beer froth."
"Wait a minute! Don't think I don't know what's going on! They've put each of us next to two charlatans to discredit us all!"
"In acupuncture, the patient pays to have needles stuck in and heals. In homeopathy, the patient pays to be given granules and heals. In chiropractic, the patient pays for bone manipulation. And heals. This new modality does away with superfluous elements and distills alternative medicine to its pure active principle."
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