Public spending

"That government research facility has been there for years and they have yet to open a gate to an alternate universe full of monsters."

"What are they doing with our tax money?"

Dictionary definition

"OGRE. noun. An imaginary fairy tale giant that feeds on human beings.

"There you have it. IMAGINARY. You aren't real. What do you say now?

"What an utter disregard for the meaning of words!"

Poisoning

Monstrous

"Help you? Why should I help you? You people are monsters!"

"I told you! He was bitten by an alien mutant spider!"

"Sure, distance yourself from him. 'No true Scotsman' and all that."

Hydra

"Final count: three votes for killing Hercules, three votes against, and one abstention."

"Who abstained?"

"I simply think that this issue hasn't been debated enough."

"Why don't we just choose a head to make the decisions?"

"I will not blindly follow some else's lead."

Blockbuster

"Stop! Don't you see violence leads nowhere? Come, let us work out our differences through dialog."

PACIFIST RIM

Humans

"Humans put their opinions about humanity in the mouth of non-human characters to make them sound impartial and objective."

"I see."

Hamster Attack!

Do you own a hamster? They're cute, aren't they? What pet shop attendants won't tell you, however, is that no scientific study has shown that your hamster will never become...

A HALF-TON MONSTER THIRSTY FOR THE BLOOD OF YOUR CHILDREN

"Oh my God... I had never thought of that!"

Don't feel bad! With so many threats, it's hard to keep up! Luckily, this one can be easily averted!

Introducing

Qlospin5000

100% EFFECTIVE

Qlospin5000 is made with baryonic matter of natural origin and its wearer is guaranteed to be never attacked by a giant, hematophagous hamster!

"My family is safe and so I am! I'm a good parent now thanks to Qlospin5000."

Gratitude

"It's alive! IT'S ALIVE!"

"Thank you, Lord, for bringing me back to life..."

Cryptids

"Skeptics dismiss them as myth. Nothing but delusion and make-believe. But we know they're real!"

• Bigfoot


• Chupacabras


• Sea serpent


• Uppity professor who claims science knows everything

Example

"When faced with a dilemma, ask yourself: What would Jesus do?"

"Oh!"

"Rise up and walk! HA HA HA HA HA"