Saving

The results are out.

"So you bought the molecular performance booster they advertise on TV? You know it doesn't actually enhance physical performance, right?"

"So? People spend fortunes on cars, homes, computers and a lot of expensive things that don't enhance physical performance either. This has the pro of being way cheaper!"

Paranormal

"I have unraveled the cause of the strange phenomena. Your house is haunted because it was built over an ancient burial ground."

"What? Hey, I called you to give me a scientific explanation, not a bunch of woo-woo and make-believe!"

"Your house is intertwined on the quantum level by a manifestation of psychic energy emanating from an inter-dimensional focus located on the burial ground under the foundations."

"Ooooh! Are there vibrations too?"

"Lots of them!"

Prank

No one will get this in a year's time.

"Ha ha! I will make everyone try and pronounce this."

GEOGRAPHY OF ICELAND

Evidence

"A double-blind, randomized trial of the ForzaPlus+ Molecular Performance Booster found no significant difference between the group that used the product and the control group. Therefore, it is safe to conclude that the claims by its maker are not backed by any scientific evidence."

"That's just your opinion! It worked for me!"

"You should try it yourself before opening your mouth and looking like an ignorant tool!"

Guided tour

"A warning before entering the Vatican. Don't stray from the path. Leave nothing behind. Don't touch anything. Even something as apparently innocent as squishing a bug may cause you to cause things are wildly different when you get back home."

Different interpretations of the same thing

"You mean you have several lives to try and do things right?"

"You mean you achieve transcendence after just one life?"

"I WANT THAT!"

Caution

"We have taken steps."

Additive

"Bad news, boss. Consumer advocacy groups are claiming we put substances in our cigarettes to make them addictive."

"Again? What are they saying we put in them now?"

"Tobacco."

Afterlife

"Look at it this way. After death, an atheist can say "I was wrong", but never "I was right". A believer, on the other hand, can say "I was right", but never "I was wrong!"

"Next!"

"I was wrong."