The body of Christ

The day has arrived! We are celebrating Cook Jesus Day along with Flea Snobbery's fourth anniversary. Don't forget to post your delicious blasphemy today to the Facebook page, or tweet it using the hashtag #CookJesusDay. And your likeness might end up immortalized in pixels by the author of this blog!

"Hoc est enim corpus meum!"

"I see your seminarist is still practicing. Can he make the flesh of Christ have the attributes of bread now?"

"Well, not exactly... but he can make the flesh to be cured and spiced, which is appreciated by the congregation."

Equality

"We bloxoidites have an egalitarian society. There is no oppression or slavery among us!"

"What about that one?"

"Huh? Oh, that's not a real bloxoidite. Real bloxoidites are green, you see."

Job offer

(I barely need to remind you about Cook Jesus Day next week, right?)
"Female architect wanted for studio. Minimum height: 5 feet 6 inches. Pretty face, fit body. Preferably blonde, blue eyes. Older than 27 need not apply." "That's awful!" "Indeed! I meet all their requirements, but they don't want me because of my gender! We men are discriminated against in this feminazi society, I tell you!"

Opinion

"Of course we have the authority to talk about marriage, family and sex! In fact, no one but us has it! Being external observers, only our opinion can be completely impartial and unbiased."

Cover story

NewsWorth EXPERT IN MANIPULATION A specialist accuses media of using biased headlines and images to influence the audience's opinion. Have her ideas about "dismissive quotation marks" any validity? What are the interests behind her talk of malicious innuendo? Her strange opinions about adjective use. Is she certifiably insane to say that claims are stated in question form to avoid liability? ALSO: How much she earns and why she says that's irrelevant.

Reptilians

"We're accused of dominating the world, of causing wars, of drinking blood... We're tired of being defamed! It's time for our voice to be heard!" "We don't disguise ourselves as humans to deceive anyone! We do it because we are afraid!" NO MORE ANTI-REPTILIANISM LIZARD PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE TOO

Mating rituals

"But... if Urk not club female and drag her to cave, then how perpetuate species? Huh? Femisaur want species extinct! Femisaur oppress Urk!

War

"The operation to depose this tyrannical regime will be surgical." "How so?" "It will be invasive, there will be blood and we'll wash our hands."

Cook Jesus Day

Old Inquisitions never die. They just become lobbies.

Flea Snobbery strays today from its routine, and does so with good reason. And what good reason it is! Ladies and gentlemen, with great pleasure I announce:

Cook Jesus Day!




"Cook Jesus Day?," I hear you wondering. "Qu'est ce que c'est, s'il vous plaît?” Your queries shall be answered, ladies and gentlemen. This the event's Facebook page has to say:

Artist Javier Krahe and TV producer Montserrat Fernández are being tried right now in Madrid. If they're found guilty, they'll have to pay hefty fines: 144,000 euro and 72,000 euro, respectively. Their crime: the television broadcast of a very short film Krahe had made almost thirty years prior, entitled "How to cook a Christ for two people." This trial is possible because of the anachronic article 525 of the Spanish Penal Code, which punishes the offense of religious feelings. This is, in practice, an anti-blasphemy law more typical of theocratic regimes than of any democracy.

An association named Centro Jurídico Tomás Moro (Thomas More Law Center) is the force behind this trial. Driven by a very misconstrued idea of religious freedom, this association strives to silence anyone who won't give deference to their dogma. We intend to show that this is not possible, that in the 21st century these inquisitorial tactics are bound to fail. That demanding respect and using the courts to impose it is the fastest, surest way to lose it.

Therefore, next June 29th, 2012, we will celebrating Cook Jesus Day. We encourage everyone to upload that day a sample of their finest Christic gastronomy: roasted lamb of God, Messiah braised in water turned into wine, Son of Gingerbread Man...  Or just a crucifix in a pan. The only limit is imagination.

That's right: Cook Jesus Day intends to harness the Streisand effect as a protest against censorship, against this ludicrous trial and against any attempt at codifying religious duties into secular law.

Do you like the idea? Well, spread it then! Join the Facebook page. Invite your friends and your friends's friends. Tweet about it using the hashtag #CookJesusDay. Discuss it over tea at your backgammon club. If we get this rolling, Cook Jesus Day might become the biggest cuisine blasphématoire event ever!

And that's not all there's to it! Because Flea Snobbery, being Flea Snobbery, will not even respect blasphemy, and wants to make this a part of the celebrations for its upcoming fourth birthday. Consequently, I will pick a few of the dishes displayed and award their creators either a customized avatar or a cameo in this webcomic. That's right: winners will be drawn, either for their own enjoyment and braggadocio at virtual gatherings, or to perform in a cartoon. (Note: I can't guarantee any leading parts. Not even any talking parts.)

How do you like the deal now? Get hand to work, then! Remember: only pieces submitted on June 29th (on the Facebook page or tweeted with the #CookJesusDay hashtag) will be eligible. Winners will be announced on July 3rd. Buona fortuna e buon appetito!