Multiplication

"Four rows of three loaves. Four times three... Twelve loaves!"

"Excellent, rabbi! Now try with the fish."

Cold

"It's so cold today! So much for that 'global warming' stuff, huh?"

"So much for that 'flying birds' stuff, huh?"

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INSTANT EXPERT

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Crucifixion

"But— What did you do? You just nailed me by the hands! You're supposed to do it through the wrists! I will fall from up here!"

"Er... Nobody told us..."

"It's our first crucifixion."

"Father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing."

Confirmation

SCIENCE

Misquoted ten-year-old research supports our readers' biases

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Tyranny

"Some people say this is a tyranny. How can that be, when this is what the people want? Doubters need only see how many resources we devote to force the people to want this!"

Right of admittance

"I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind here."

"Oh? Why not?"

"Because you mistreat your women."

Majority

"We have all voted and decided, by four votes against one, that this picture is not threatening, so it can stay."