Potion

Traditional medicine

"The herbal remedies you gave me have no effect on my condition."

"This is a case of microorganisms disrespectful of ancestral traditions."

Saints

"I have a cold and my throat is sore. I get headaches too."

"Two parts Saint Stephen, one part Saint Blaise and a pinch of Saint Pantaleon. Pray to it three times a day and come see me next week."

Royal blood

"Tsar Peter I, also known as Peter the Great, suffered from asthma. We know today that asthma has a genetic component. Peter's children got half his genes. His grandchildren got a quarter. His great-grandchildren got an eighth, and so on."

"And what you propose is...?"

"To identify direct descendants of Peter the Great and use their cells as a homeopathic remedy for asthma."

Interventionism

"We demand that the government stop interfering with our commercial activities, which create thousands of jobs! They should instead devote their efforts to isolate malaria patients in order to protect our children from this frightful disease that keeps spreading unchecked!"

"That's right!"

"Bravo!"

"Well said!"

ANOPHELES BREEDERS ASSOCIATION

Treatment

"Still sick? Didn't you see the naturopath I talked to you about?"

"I did. He gave a prescription and told me that, if it didn't cure me, at least it wouldn't harm me."

"So? What happened?"

"He got upset when I replied that, if I didn't pay to him, at least I wouldn't ask him money."

Outbreak

"How are things looking?"

"Pretty bad, sir. Contention measures have failed. The affected areas keep growing at a steady pace."

"... I see."

"It's spreading so fast! How is that possible?"

"That's modern civilization for you. Anything can go around the world in a matter of hours."

"There's a new focus in Southeast Asia, sir!"

"Another new focus near São Paulo!"

"God help us all..."

"What are the yellow spots?"

"Hm? Oh, that would be the flu."

"The fl...? What the hell is with all that red then?"

"Idiotic flu rumors."

"... Oh."

Contagion

"Huh? What do you mean you caught a flu from someone you were chatting with?"

"I was using Internet Explorer."

"Oh."