Old wives’ tales

Update: I originally thought I could leave the first half of the joke out and it could still be understood. Now that the cartoon is published, it no longer seems such a good idea. But hey, it's never too late to mend your mistakes, so here is the full cartoon, as it always should have been. (Here is what it was like before, in case you're curious and didn't get to see it.)

Sure enough, there's still the possibility that the joke is really lame, but that's neither here nor there.

"Don't play around the castle! Vampires live there that will suck your blood and turn you into one of them if they catch you!"

"Alright, mom."

"Never go near the village! The mortals will make you drink their blood and you'll become one of them, doomed to grow old and die! Did you understand me?"

"Yes, mom."

Pascal’s Wager

"Don't hesitate to bet on God existing. If you win, you win everything."

"What if I lose?"

"We don't worry about that. The house takes its share anyway."

Two point zero

(Pst! Just in case you missed the reference.)

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Binary logic

"As the truth table of the example clearly shows, the faith-based approach simplifies the analysis of digital circuits."

Spite

"So you won't date me? Great! That way I won't waste my time with a slut likely to jump into bed with anyone."

"So science won't back my beliefs up? Good! I'm not at all interested in that bunch of blind, useless dogmas someone made up along the way."

Theory

But... It's just a theory!

Montbard, France. 18th century...

"My long years studying the natural world have led me to the inescapable conclusion that living forms were created in the beginning of time as we see them today—"

"Ah!"

"What...? Who are you?"

"I'm TIME TRAVELING CHARLES DARWIN!"

"Time? What do you—?"

"Monsieur de Buffon, I urge you to put forward these ideas in the Natural History you are writing!"

"Change in species? Common ancestry between man and ape? I can't write this. It's preposterous and blasphemous!"

"You will! Or else I'll go back in time and prevent you from ever being born!

"No one must know that I single-handedly made up the whole idea of evolution in a bid to destroy Western civilization! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

"Next stop: Baghdad, ninth century!"

"... and that explains all those texts about evolution before Darwin you just mentioned. Now can you prove that never happened? Ha! I didn't think so."

For the truth

THINK ABOUT IT!!

WHO put that tree right there in the middle of the garden?

WHO created the serpent?

WHO knew what was going to happen and did nothing to stop it?

WHO benefits from having man toiling the earth and give him offerings?

THE FALL OF MAN WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!!

Apathy

"This evening, in his inauguration address, President Orlok thanked his constituency and talked about his goals."

"I feel honored by the trust that the people have placed in me. With that trust, and the help of my lord Satan, the next four years will see me draining the blood of every man, woman and child in this country."

"See? Do you understand now why I kept telling you to go out and vote?"

"Bah! The other guy was likely to raise taxes. They're all the same garbage!"