Consent

"I heard that you think that consent is very important in everything related to sex and reproduction."

"Of course! Consent is paramount."

"Good! In that case, to be consistent with yourself, you ought to help us fight sexual and reproductive practices the church does not consent to."

"Erm... I don't think you fully understand how this works."

Holistic

—Nothing in the universe is isolated. Everything is interrelated. A butterfly flaps its wings in Beijing and rains starts falling in New York. So it's you who are being fallacious when you say that your persona hygiene is unrelated to your doubts about my teachings. You gruddy skeptic.

Safe sex

"Sex outside of wedlock is against God's plan. It brings nothing but chaos to family and society."

"Buzz off, grandpa. Nobody listens to your backward opinions anymore."

"Only by getting married and remaining faithful can you practice safe sex. That's a scientific fact."

"Your cassock shows under the lab coat."

"No, it doesn't."

Marketing

"Yes, the production costs will go down, but who will want to but watered-down juice?" "The marketing and advertising department is working on that as we speak." FLAVORED WATER

Budget

Balls

"It's a known fact that a skillful ball player can make a ball follow a curved trajectory. This is an effect of air pressure. The lower the pressure, the harder this is to achieve.

"At a bigger scale, planets are balls that go on a curved path around the Sun. How is this possible? There's no air in space! Why don't planets stray from their orbits? The answer is obvious if we think about it: planets carry their own air. We call this "atmosphere."

Therefore, even though established science claims otherwise, every planet and moon must have an atmosphere. If they didn't, they'd drift away.

"And it's done! I have proven the scientific paradigm wrong and revolutionized astronomy. You can ask my secretary for my address to send the Nobel prize. Thank you."

Membership

"You have to join our movement! We work for peace, fight for social justice and lie down on the path of our leader forming a human carpet, lest his august feet touch the ground."

"Erm... No, I don't think so. I pass."

"Aha! So you don't care about peace and social justice, huh? Sociopath!"

Criminal

"There's nothing you can do! I injected myself with the blood serum of a diplomat! Now I've got immunity! HA HA HA HA HA!"

"You are under arrest for crimes against property, biology, semantics and common sense."

"Damn."

The experiment

This cartoon features cameos by the winners of Cook Jesus Day:  Silvia, Julio and Doctor Mapache (“Doctor Raccoon”).

"The opening mechanism will be activated as soon as we exit this room. The decay of a very small radioactive sample will determine whether the cage opens or remains closed. According to the Copenhagen interpretation, the raccoon will then be both free and locked at the same time. The free-raccoon will wander around and eventually make it to the kitchen, drawn in by the smell of the coffee and brownies we'll be having. But beware! What if the system collapses into a locked-raccoon state? Then the raccoon will have never made it to the kitchen for us to see it. The wave function won't have collapsed! PARADOX! Is that possible? There's only one way to know!"

"Were these budget figures necessary for that?"

"This experiment could change our understanding of the universe. We can't afford to skimp on quality of coffee and brownies.