Theoretical-practical approach

St. Thomas Aquinas's arguments are indeed very rational and logical.

"I have found the scholastic arguments of Holy Doctor Thomas Aquinas become more persuasive with a practical demonstration."

"The torch is hot in actuality. The wood, only in potentiality. Fire can make it go from potentiality to actuality. Want to see?"

"No! I'm convinced! God is the uncaused cause of everything! It's obvious!"

The problem of evil

"If God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnibenevolent, why does evil exist? Theologians and philosophers have debated the issue for centuries."

"Hooray! Well, just one more level and then I'll eradicate evil from the world."

Science and religion

Saint Thomas

Nothing can be its own cause, and an infinite regress of causes is not possible. Therefore, there must be a first uncaused cause which created the world in seven days and made man out of clay, but man sinned and fell from the uncaused cause's grace, so later it had to destroy its creation except for a family and a couple of every animal species, but this didn't work out either, so the uncaused cause had to incarnate itself as a man and die on a cross to redeem the world from sin, and even today the bread and the wine become the body and the blood of the uncaused cause so we can partake in its sacrifice.

Oh, and being gay is totally wrong. It just follows.

Deluge

"But— Lord! You promised—"

"Don't you listen to what you yourself preach? Doesn't your faith hold that I am all-powerful and above logic? When, in that case, I can destroy the Earth with water whenever I feel like it without ever breaking my word of not doing it again! You of little faith."

Emergency

"It's my fault! I should have taken better care of him!"

"It's nobody's fault. These things just happen. Look! Here he comes."

"MY BABY! What happened to you? Tell your mom!"

"The other kids... They dared me to make a rock so heavy I couldn't lift it myself."

"And he got a beautiful hernia."

"Don't you ever do that again! You almost scared me to death!"

Theology

Atheists keep demanding evidence for God's existence. They don't understand that, were He ever to give unambiguous signs, then He would undermine free will, for there would be no choice but to believe and worship Him. God has therefore decided, in His infinite wisdom, that Faith be the only way to know Him—

"God has manifested Himself in all His glory!"

"Oh, thank You, Lord! Now I can do something productive with my life."

Theorem

"Let E be the set of everything that exists. If God exists, He is a member of E. We know that E has many other members. It follows that E is greater than God. Therefore, if God exists, He is not the greatest."

"Don't lose sleep over this, brother Ambrose. Set theory is only a theory after all."

Poker

"Reason and experience indicate that one of the players holds the winning hand. You posit that I might not be that player, but it is equally true that I might be that player indeed, and if we stop and consider the attributes such a hand would ideally have..."

"Put your cards on the table already!"

"This is the last time ever we invite a theologian over to play."