Galileo

"Galileo, you must recant your theories. They run counter to ages-old wisdom."

"And yet it moves."

"Scientists wave their theories to dismiss my ages-old wisdom. Just like they did to Galileo!"

In the limbo

Try and stop me!

"Your Holiness would be well advised to keep in mind that these people work from dawn until dusk to afford food and clothing."

"Okey-dokey."

"We ought not to neglect our spiritual well-being. Many here live only to acquire material things."

Watching movies

"The entertainment section is in my hand.

"It's March, 2009. The front page features upcoming movie releases.

"It's May, 2009. I'm at the theater watching Star Trek.

"It's July. I'm watching Harry Potter.

"It's October. I'm watching Astroboy.

"It's May. I'm watching Terminator Salvation.

"Non-linear perception of time should have a spoilers tag."

A pirate’s dream

Doctrine

"And he said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his—"

"PREACHER!"

"Ah! Who... Who's there?"

"Don't you recognize me? I am the one to whom you talk every day. I AM JEHOVAH, YOUR GOD!"

"God! Oh my sweet Lord, I am your humblest servant! Tell me what to do, and I will obey"

"I have chosen you to set the record straight. That book you were reading has many things wrong."

"What? How can that be? The Bible is your revealed, inerrant word!"

"No. It is the work of men."

"Bu— But... INFIDEL!"

Dating

"Just one night, Susan! He spent one night with me and then disappeared! No phone call, no email... I'm telling you, that online dating service is a fraud!"

"I already explained to you, Daisy, that that's not what the 'Remember Me' checkbox is for."

They’re here

"They mutilate cattle. They abduct people. They perform horrible experiments on their victims. And the question is: Why? What goals do they pursue?"

"What the...?"

"It's them! Ha ha ha! They're here! They're here! They're...!"

"What do you mean by 'libel'?"

Crash course

"Welcome, students. My name is doctor Albert and I will be your teacher in this course on alternative and complementary medicine. Please memorize this table. When you're done with it, proceed to the next room for the graduation ceremony. Good luck in your careers!

At the movie theater

"Hey, Johnny! What's up, buddy? I'm watching a movie in the theater. Can you guess who's in it? Do you remember that guy from...?"

"And they say cell phones don't affect the brain."