Presents

"What do you mean I was stealing the sled? That floozy fatso is always giving things away! That means he has already consented to anyone coming along and taking whatever they want! People will know about this false theft allegation!"

Cassocks

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Free market

"There's no reason why I should give you anything. If you want money, work for it."

"That's what the market sets for unqualified work. If you want to earn more, go to school."

"Education is a service like any other. If you want to learn, pay for it."

Churchill

"What the—?"

"Listen to me, Winston. I have come back in time to bring you a warning. Certain people will request an audience today. You must not grant it. They will call themselves anti-fascists, but in actuality they are fascists of the future trying to erase you from history."

Saints

"I have a cold and my throat is sore. I get headaches too."

"Two parts Saint Stephen, one part Saint Blaise and a pinch of Saint Pantaleon. Pray to it three times a day and come see me next week."

Father

"I loved my children! I was always seeing to their well-being. I kept telling then what to do, what to wear, who to go out with... But they never listened to me! I was patient and gave them plenty of chances... But, in the end, they left me with no choice but to throw them into the fire."

"A role model of a loving father."

Saint Thomas

Nothing can be its own cause, and an infinite regress of causes is not possible. Therefore, there must be a first uncaused cause which created the world in seven days and made man out of clay, but man sinned and fell from the uncaused cause's grace, so later it had to destroy its creation except for a family and a couple of every animal species, but this didn't work out either, so the uncaused cause had to incarnate itself as a man and die on a cross to redeem the world from sin, and even today the bread and the wine become the body and the blood of the uncaused cause so we can partake in its sacrifice.

Oh, and being gay is totally wrong. It just follows.

Injustice

Flea Snobbery presents: How to help maintain an unequal status quo while looking to be for equality in one simple step.

"[Underprivileged group] suffers prejudices and is often overlooked. Something should be done about that?"

"Why? Are you implying that [underprivilege group] is not able to make their lot better by their own means? Who is being prejudiced here?"

This was a public service announcement by Flea Snobbery.