Religious freedom

"That's right. These latest secularist measures are an attack against religious freed— Hey, you! Rosary beads are not for decoration! Don't wear them like that again. By the way, I haven't seen you in Mass. Don't miss it next Sunday. I'll hear you in confession beforehand.

"Where was I...? Oh, right! Religious freedom is a fundamental value and it is unacceptable that..."

Pepo Soap

"Unmatched cleaning! Incomparable fragrance! Buy Pepo soap now!"

"This soap is junk and nobody wants it."

"It's only a matter of finding the right marketing approach..."

"Do you wish to live in a big house with swimming pool? Drive a high-end car? Travel around the world? Become a Pepo reseller and afford everything you ever dreamt of!"

Limits

"It is very rude to step over the red line."

Issues I care about.

STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA.

Issues I don't care about.

Change

"I don't judge them, but what they do is a sin."

"What a bigot!"

"What they do is a sin, but I don't judge them."

"At last some opening up!"

Nice Guy

"I created them out of love. I made a wonderful Eden for them to live in. I'm such a nice guy, yet they disobeyed me and left!"

"That was so long ago. Isn't it time you get ov—"

"Those bastards and their descendants will implore my forgiveness or burn in Hell."

Watch

"This is Kurt Weber's pocket watch. It stopped at the exact time of his death and no one could ever make it run again."

"Amazing! How did he die, by the way?"

"He fell in a trash compactor."

Shooting star

"Look! A shooting star! Make a wish!"

"Done."

"What did you wish for?"

"I wished for you to stop ruining natural wonders with your superstitions."

Asteroid

"Ladies and gentlemen, the situation is as follows. In twenty-eight days' time, the asteroid Seymour will impact Earth. In the next twenty-four hours, a ship carrying an especially trained crew will take off with the mission of intercepting this asteroid and presenting it with the Nobel Peace Prize it has been granted."