Opening day

"Yes! I camped for days in front of the theater, but I got my ticket for opening day!"

"I didn't know you were such a fan."

"I'm not. But I really HATE spoilers."

Razor

"Never attribute to stupidity that which can make you feel smarter than other people to attribute to malice."

Proportion

"What do you think of those who blow everything out of proportion?"

"WE MUST OPPOSE THIS THREAT TO OUR WAY OF LIFE WITH ALL OUR MIGHT!"

Matthew 19:14

"Let the children come to me."

Dare

"But you don't dare to work at an abortion clinic, now, do you?"

Issue

Responsibility

"Isn't it high time for you to start a family, have children and start acting like a responsible person?

"Isn't it high time for you to bring innocent beings into existence that will suffer deprivation unless you bow your head in submission?"

Rift

Your own adventure

Villains

Kids these days

"Your son is a demon! Back in my time, children were obedient and respectful. Parents nowadats don't know how to bring them up."

"Now I don't want to hear a sound, okay? Or else you'll have it again!"

"I will never treat my children like this."

Fair fight

"STOP! Stop this barbarism right now! This situation is unevenly matched. It'd be unfair to allow it to go on.

"There. Now you may proceed."

Entitlement

"Get this into your head, you spoiled brat. NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING. You want something, you earn it. Are we clear?

"Where are you going? I'm not done talking yet! Come here! I'm your elder and YOU OWE ME RESPECT."

Wifi

Space travel

Societal crisis

TODAY'S YOUNG PEOPLE ARE NOT LIKE I WAS AT THEIR AGE

What steps can be taken to revert this worrying trend before a catastrophic collapse of society takes place?

Counterfactual

"There!"

"If his mother had had an abortion, Beethoven wouldn't have been born."

"Oh! Hello."

"If his parents hadn't had sex out of wedlock, Leonardo Da Vinci wouldn't have been born."

Funereal

"I entered 'grave' in a free fonts site."

Internet: How to use

INTERNET
How to use

1. Learn that something is a thing that exists.

2. Hold on to the first thing that comes to your mind about it. Call it “opinion.“

3. Skim through a couple articles that on the surface seem to support the opinion.

4. Share the opinion on social networking sites.

Note: Step 3 is optional.

The day Einstein feared

"I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots."

"TECNOLOGY MAKES US MORANS"

"Einstein never said this."

"who cares who said it its true"

Statement

Honey

"It's delicious, it's got a high energy content, and it never spoils."

"Yeah, but you have to add enzymes and other chemical crap to the nectar."

"It can't be good for you if not even bacteria will touch it."

Sculpture

"Are you serious? Do you know how a soldier would fare if he tried to fight armorless?"

"But—"

"Unrealistic. I give it a two."

Impact

Music

"What? It's not music law. It's music theory. It's just a theory! Get it?"

Making the snobbery

Have you ever wondered how Flea Snobbery is made? No? Well, here it is anyway.

Coexistence

"It's a Biblical truth! Dinosaurs and man lived together. That's why they went extinct! God doesn't approve of living together with any man without being married. Is that clear?"

"Uhh... Yes."

Library

"The library will be more appealing to young people if the experience is more like surfind the web."

"I like the idea."

LIKE US ON FACEBOOK

Fossil

"We're broadcasting live from where a veritable living fossil has been found."

Understand

"We caught these specimens at different sites on the planet. We analyzed the utterances of one of them to decipher their language. But when we used to communicate with the other, it didn't understand us."

"That's humans alright."

SPEAKS A LANGUAGE
DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT

Campaign

"Yes, we are incompetent. But what will you do? Vote for those crooks?"

"Yes, we are crooks. But what will you do? Vote for those incompetents?"

Poisoning

Segmentation

Priest

"Brethren! Hark my words! The mighty Invisible Hand is punishing us for allowing such sins as as minimum wage and public healthcare to thrive in our midst. We must cast workers into unemployment to placate his wrath so He'll grant us prosperity again!"

Monstrous

"Help you? Why should I help you? You people are monsters!"

"I told you! He was bitten by an alien mutant spider!"

"Sure, distance yourself from him. 'No true Scotsman' and all that."

Attention

Technology

"Today's youth is very dependent on these newfangled things. If you were to take their fire and their flint knife from them, they'd just starve."

"If things keep going this way, the species will be soon extinct."

Reincarnation

"In your previous life you were a star."

"Really?"

"... then the star shed its outer layers, scattering a great amount of chemical elements in the interstellar space..."

"Oooh."

Anti-robbery

"The collections of this museum are impressive. And very valuable!"

"That's right! And we protect them with a very simple measure. This tube of homeopathic pills."

"This is a security measure?"

"And a very effective one! No museum protected by a tube of homeopathic pills has ever been robed."

"Hum... Are there many of those museums?"

"Oh, sure. Let's start shilling for Big Pharma."

Struggle

"You're poor because you don't try hard enough. Just look at me. I worked hard, I made sacrifices, I strived for what I wanted, and in the end I reached my goal of being born into a rich family."

Apology

"Now, let's not blow this out of proportion. After all, it wasn't my intention to drop a piano on your head when I let go of the rope. I apologize if you felt crushed by a piano."

Railing

"Some people have stubbed their toe on this railing! It's a public danger!"

"We demand its immediate removal on safety grounds!"

Growing up

"No! It's not your birthday."

"No! There are bills to pay."

Argument

Year 2065

"You are a GMO!"

"And you are an evolutionist!"

"Oh, yeah? Well, you vaccinate your children!"

Pluto

Waste of money

"Millions were spent on this while people go hungry!"

"This is a movie."

"Oh! That's very different."

Waiting

WINTER IS COMING

"Pfft! It's been years now and winter never comes."

JESUS COMES SOON

"There."

Traffic infraction

"Did you know you were going at twice the allowed speed?"

"I was speeding ironically?"

"Oh! I'm sorry. Please, go on."

Ruckus

"These clichés perpetuate harmful ideas about..."

"Here we go. This just reflects what happens in reality. It tells no one what to do or what to think. Do you want to censor them? Huh? Do you want to tell them what they can or can't say! Nazi"

"I just said..."

"Don't say anything! Just watch silently instead of making ruckus after ruckus over everyday stuff!"

"I am a balanced person because I'm a Libra."

"Oh, no! I will not shut up about this! They're perpetuating harmful ideas!"

Ritual

"Place all the items in a bowl containing benzine, alcohol, kerosene, and acetone, and light them on fire at midnight while intoning the conjuration I gave you. Soon you will be a millionaire."

"I award the plaintiff one million dollars in damages."

Etymology

"I've got nothing against you people. I respect you a lot. But you shouldn't use the word ecclesiastical. Ecclesiastical comes from ecclesia, which was an assembly of Athenian citizens. You are not an assembly of Athenian citizens. Words have meaning."