Elect

Work inspection

Franchise

Salary

Approval

Boy shepherd

T-shirt

Rocket

Words

Imaginary

Cardiology

Level

Bacteria

Movie producer

Halloween costumes

Police report

"Why do you never come here when it's other people getting robbed? Huh? I will not take your report. I am against ALL crime, not just crime that happens to be against you."

Arson

"Arsonist!"

"Oh, sure! Since you don't have any arguments, you resort to name calling."

Unjust

"We live in a very unjust society."

"That's right. We should do something about it!"

"Do something? Get out of here, Che Guevara. Things just are the way they are."

Complaint

DOWN WITH DEMOCRACY

"I don't want to bear any responsibility for anything that happens! I want to blame everything on other people!"

Space visitors

"Greetings, Earthlings. We come from the star you call Alpha Lyrae, or Vega."

"Damn Vegans."

"Why do they always have to announce themselves?"

Other people

"Some people do bad things."

"Let's find something they don't have in common with us and conclude that's the reason."

"Makes sense."

DRM

"I created a DRM scheme that does make sense."

"What does it do?"

"It lets only true fans buy and listen to music."

Run over

"My God! Don't move!

"Send in an ambulance! A man just had an accident! He was run over by a car of a government agen—"

"And what about the previous administration? HUH?"

Generosity

"Thank you! You are very generous."

Smile

YOU NEVER KNOW WHO COULD FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR SMILE

"Is this an argument for or against smiling?"

"I'm not very sure."

Keynote

"Our company is at the cutting edge of innovation. We're constantly in search of new ways to charge for work done by other people."

Anti-radiation

Effective procedure. Stops your cell phone from emitting radiation.

God's love

"That's not true! God doesn't say we'll go to Hell if we don't love him."

"He doesn't?"

"No! He says that if we do love him, then we WON'T go to hell."

"Uh-huh."

Homage

"We have gathered here to honor this great person who never stopped reminding us that the poor and the helpless are a means for us to earn paradise...

360

"I explained this to you already! Saying 'a 360 degree turn' is wrong! That is a full turn! If something turns 360 degrees, it ends up just like it started!"

"What were you saying?"

"Er..."

Exam

Thank you for your interest! You need to answer correctly 15 of these 20 questions about the article in order to leave a comment.

1. What animal is mentioned?

Horse
Rabbit
Chicken
Tortoise

Realistic

"Women in combat? In that period? THIS ISN'T REALISTIC!"

Outrage

"People on social networks get outraged over everything."

"Like there weren't good reasons to get outraged! They make me sick!"

#OutragedMorons

Simulation

"I have definitive proof that we live in a computer simulation. Look at this cell culture through the microscope."

Confessional

"Have you had impure thoughts, my child?"

"Oh, no, father. My thoughts have been pure lust."

Stairs

"You don't hear me complain about how difficult the stairs are to climb. I make the effort and climb them! That's why I got higher than you did."

Public spending

"That government research facility has been there for years and they have yet to open a gate to an alternate universe full of monsters."

"What are they doing with our tax money?"

Dictionary definition

"OGRE. noun. An imaginary fairy tale giant that feeds on human beings.

"There you have it. IMAGINARY. You aren't real. What do you say now?

"What an utter disregard for the meaning of words!"

Black powder

"Look. Now black powder is a fad. Suddenly everyone is into it."

"Posers."

Ad agency

"According to the client's brief, the major value they want associated with their brand is 'embarrassment.'"

"Let's target the campaign at young people!"

"Speaking their language!"

"With emojis!"

Ax murderer

Respectful

"You should be respectful to those who disagree with you. Learn from my example!"

"You're all the time telling me to shut up."

"But I'm very respectful to those who disagree with you!"

Scarcity

ARTIFICIAL SCARCITY

By HENRIETTA MARQUEZ

PhD in Economics

PRE-ORDER YOURS! ONLY 200 WILL BE PRINTED!

On the wall

"I told you not to draw on the walls! I told you! Now these scholars will spend YEARS debating whether this is or isn't art!"

Distress message

"We've been years in this island and not a single ship has passed by. We need to accept we will never be rescued."

"Hmm... Wait. I have an idea."

WHAT IF ZELDA WAS A GIRL?

"ZELDA IS A GIRL!"

Debate

"No! We will not discuss arguments for and against crushing my skull with a sledgehammer.

"You're so closed to debate! Such a fanatic!"

Enlightenment

"Come, Holy Spirit. Help me overcome close-mindedness."

"I'm a sociocultural construct, result of centuries' worth of syncretism."

"That's not true!"

Counterargument

"If there is no God, how do you explain that you'll go to Hell for being an atheist? It makes no sense!"

Human rights

"Who can tell me what human rights are for?"

"I can! I can! They're for charging countries we don't like with abusing them."

"Correct!"

Playing tables

"No. We don't want you people to play with us."

"We don't like the way you play."

"Look! They've got a table just for them."

"They marginalize themselves."