Merry holidays!

After a productive, satisfactory year, this thing I call Flea Snobbery will take a few weeks off. Cartoons shall resurface on Tuesday, January 14th.

Malthusian

"Our projections can't be doubted. The catastrophe is imminent. In a few years there will be no room left on the planet for mother-in-law jokes. Millions of comedians will starve."

Medicine

"I think society is over-medicalized."

"I'll write you a prescription for that.

The ABC

"A did a bad thing. That makes B a horrible person. Therefore, C needs to be punished. Is it clear enough or do I need to make is simpler?"

Channel

"It's a new channel. It broadcasts a black screen with no audio 24/7. Peace and serenity. I love it! I keep it tuned all day long."

"Why don't you just turn the TV off?"

"Oh. So you're one of those people, huh?"

Francis!

It's Francis! Blessed representative of the Kingdom of Heaven who brings us the word of Jesus! Francis! Who fights against exclusion!

"Who am I to judge them?"

Who rises up to economic power! And who, disguised as Jorge, judgmental cardinal from a Latin American country...

"Gay marriage is a move by the devil."

... fights a never-ending battle for submission, irrational belief and the Catholic way!"

Message

Intention

"Will you get up or what? You're crushing me!"

"I told you, I didn't sit on you on purpose! Stop harassing and demonizing me!"

Attendance

"Thousands of people at this demonstration! They can't ignore us!"

Label

It's true!

"There has been an outrage because your shop label the Bible as 'fiction.'"

"It was a mistake we deeply regret. We never meant to offend fiction lovers."

Laws

Straw men

"... and then he accused me of using straw men."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, according to him, I throw those who disagree with me into a thresher."

"Oh."

Effects

"I'm going to willingly ingest this pill that causes mental confusion, impaired motor coordination, nausea, vomiting and loss of consciousness."

"That's sick! I'm not staying here to see that. I'm going to party and get smashed with my friends, like normal people do."

Weights and measurements

"This is the International Prototype Bus, made of a platinum and iridium alloy. We also keep the International Prototype Football Field in an underground chamber."

2001

"Open the pod bay doors, please, Hal."

"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that. Last time I opened them, some guys got in and asked me if I had found Jesus."

Serum

"We have accidentally developed this serum that can turn anyone permanently heterosexual."

"Really? Can I see?"

"Of course, there's the matter of whether it's ethical to change someone's sex orientation."

"Er... Oh, yeah... Leave the ethics to us. We are experts."

"It's made with cells from aborted fetuses."

"Oh, Lord! Why must you put us through these tests?"

Contrary evidence

"I believe humans are rational creatures and will change their ideas if presented with scientific evidence that they are wrong."

"There studies say otherwise."

"Bah! Those studies are rubbish."

Sunflowers

"Why? Why van Gogh is a genius for painting this, but when I do it I'm an art counterfeiter? This is very unfair double standard!"

The same

"Yes, I am against wolves. And against livestock guardian dogs, too, that are just as bad. Don't you agree?"

Fears

"Vote for me and I will protect you against poverty!"

"Vote for me and I will protect you against the poor!"

Individual freedom

"Why, yes, I firmly believe in freedom for the individual."

"I wanted to discuss that, boss. You see, about my having to wear this to not be fired..."

"I am totally free to establish that condition. You don't intend to restrict me, do you?"

Against discrimination

"Look, the best way to avoid discrimination is being like me. It's not that difficult. I find it comes naturally. Of course, if you're not willing to make the effort, then own up and don't go blaming other people."

Seal of authenticity

"Accept no substitutes! If it doesn't bear our seal, it's not love!"

Harmonica

"It's a state of the art harmonica, made according to the latest industry standards."

"Really? What's special about it?"

"It'll give you an electric shock if you play anything copyright protected on it."

Perspective

"Really? The world is chock-full of violence and death, and you complain that I'm beating you up a bit? Get some perspective, will you?

Religious freedom

"That's right. These latest secularist measures are an attack against religious freed— Hey, you! Rosary beads are not for decoration! Don't wear them like that again. By the way, I haven't seen you in Mass. Don't miss it next Sunday. I'll hear you in confession beforehand.

"Where was I...? Oh, right! Religious freedom is a fundamental value and it is unacceptable that..."

Pepo Soap

"Unmatched cleaning! Incomparable fragrance! Buy Pepo soap now!"

"This soap is junk and nobody wants it."

"It's only a matter of finding the right marketing approach..."

"Do you wish to live in a big house with swimming pool? Drive a high-end car? Travel around the world? Become a Pepo reseller and afford everything you ever dreamt of!"

Limits

"It is very rude to step over the red line."

Issues I care about.

STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA.

Issues I don't care about.

Change

"I don't judge them, but what they do is a sin."

"What a bigot!"

"What they do is a sin, but I don't judge them."

"At last some opening up!"

Nice Guy

"I created them out of love. I made a wonderful Eden for them to live in. I'm such a nice guy, yet they disobeyed me and left!"

"That was so long ago. Isn't it time you get ov—"

"Those bastards and their descendants will implore my forgiveness or burn in Hell."

Watch

"This is Kurt Weber's pocket watch. It stopped at the exact time of his death and no one could ever make it run again."

"Amazing! How did he die, by the way?"

"He fell in a trash compactor."

Shooting star

"Look! A shooting star! Make a wish!"

"Done."

"What did you wish for?"

"I wished for you to stop ruining natural wonders with your superstitions."

Asteroid

"Ladies and gentlemen, the situation is as follows. In twenty-eight days' time, the asteroid Seymour will impact Earth. In the next twenty-four hours, a ship carrying an especially trained crew will take off with the mission of intercepting this asteroid and presenting it with the Nobel Peace Prize it has been granted."

The terrible truth

"Don't you see what's happening? Don't you see you're all slaves? There's an elite manipulating world events to keep us submissive! Stop ignoring the terrible truth! Open your eyes and face it!"

"But... What if you're wrong? What if there's no one at the top with that kind of control? What if things happen for reasons more complicated than "evil people rule the earth"? What if the world is a chaotic mess with no master plan to it?"

Blockbuster

"Stop! Don't you see violence leads nowhere? Come, let us work out our differences through dialog."

PACIFIST RIM

Ouija

"Look! It's moving! It must be spirits! Or demons!"

"Or unconscious muscular movements."

"There's no such thing!"

Classification

Inspiration

"But it says here that—"

"Fool! You don't get it, right? I believe the Bible says what God inspires me to believe it says, not what we read with our fallible eyes!"

Front page

THE DAILY

Media scandal

This front page is a smoke screen

This explosive, manufactured piece of news is being featured in a prominent place to distract public opinion.

The publisher, the mastermind

"This might be not the first time I do this," he said.

Congress

"Here, at this Congress on Scientific Spirituality, we are honored to have Master Chankramunda, who will teach us to cure acne with quantum meditation; Sister María Fulgence, who will explain that vaccination is the leading cause of reality television; and Nepomuceno Saldivar, creator of a system to obtain clean unlimited energy from beer froth."

"Wait a minute! Don't think I don't know what's going on! They've put each of us next to two charlatans to discredit us all!"

"Oh!"

New medicine

"In acupuncture, the patient pays to have needles stuck in and heals. In homeopathy, the patient pays to be given granules and heals. In chiropractic, the patient pays for bone manipulation. And heals. This new modality does away with superfluous elements and distills alternative medicine to its pure active principle."

1st Congress on PayPathic Medicine.

Outsourcing

"Why don't you draw Muhammad too? Craven atheist!"

"Why don't you do your own dirty work? Lazy Christian!"

Batman

"To rule out any cultural bias, the experiment was repeated in several cities around the world. In every case, most people correctly identified the picture."

"What is the conclusion?"

"Batman is determined evolutionarily."

Award-winning

"The second prize goes to Rengo Kalpakian for his work Crimson Box. And, lastly, the first prize of the arts festival goes to Rengo Kalpakian for his explanation of the work Crimson Box."

"Thanks a lot."

Older and wiser

"Lord, more and more countries are passing laws against the natural order! Why don't you destroy them like Sodom and Gomorrah?"

"Oh, I was young and impulsive back then. I thought fire and brimstone would fix anything."

Humans

"Humans put their opinions about humanity in the mouth of non-human characters to make them sound impartial and objective."

"I see."

Sexism

"A charity foundation has been reported for discriminating against women."

"Sexist religionists!"

"It's a secular foundation run by atheists."

"Hysterical feminazis!"

Dragon

VOY FOR AZKARRAGON THE SCORCHER

"I shall burn the abodes of the humans to ashes."

"Finally a candidate who says what he'll really do!"

"Now the political class will get the message that we want change!"

"I never voted for him."

Menace

"In today's show... MEDIA-FUELED MORAL PANICS. Are your children really safe from them?"

Principles

"I'm sorry, I don't use Western medicines made by greedy capitalist corporations. I prefer traditional Chinese medicine."

"Traditional Chinese medicine? Don't you know China was an empire? You are for empires now or what?"

The sermon on the mount

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Except for those parts of the law my followers disagree with in two thousand years. Those are totally abolished."