How well do you know Flea Snobbery?

My regular reader friend: How long have you been a follower of Flea Snobbery? Have you seen every cartoon in it? And you, occasional visitor: Do you know what this is all about? After drawing about 150 cartoons over a year and a half, this amateur cartoonist has decided to call this 2009 a year a couple days earlier. I'm sorry if I leave the archive as your only means to avert the holiday ennui. But that needs not be bad news! If you enjoy this things I manage to drop in the Internet twice a week, make use of this time to discover some you might not know, or re-discover some you perhaps forgot. Happy New Year! See you in 2010!

Word of God

"Why did you think you needed material riches to worship me? Didn't I make gold and mud alike? Aren't they worth the same for being both my creation?"

"O, Eternal Father! Forgive this poor fool!"

"How could you build for me a temple of ordinary brick? Didn't I create precious materials for a reason? Don't I deserve the best you can give to me?"

"I'm sorry, Lord... I'm sorry..."

"Ha ha ha! I could spend the whole eternity like this."

"Must we postpone the end of the world again, boss?"

"Huh? Oh yes! I want at least a couple more generations of this."

Evangelman

"My parachute won't open! SAVE ME, EVANGELMAN!"

"To the rescue!"

"... and in the last seconds before hitting the ground, he accepted Jesus Christ in his heart and was saved!"

"You are a true hero, Evangelman!"

Smear campaign

"Eighty percent of people polled think the government is deliberately sabotaging the educational system to keep future generations ignorant and easy to manipulate—"

"You see, sir, the ludicrous lies the media keep churning out about us."

"Indeed! Since when do we care about future generations?"

Time goes by

First day of work...

"Time went by fast! Only two more hours to go home!"

One year later...

"Can time go by any slower? Still two more hours to go home!"

Clarke's Law

"Are you sure that omnidetector of yours is advanced technology? It doesn't look like it."

"Of course! Do you know Clarke's Third Law? "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

"Yes. So?"

"Well, magic doesn't work, and neither does my omnidetector! It's totally advanced!"

"Awesome! I'll take ten!"

Proof

"You just saw how a molecule of fuel diluted in five hundred liters of water can put out fire successfully. Do you still think that the theory behind homeopathy is bunk?"

Pause

There will be no new cartoons this week on Flea Snobbery. Regular updates will resume next Tuesday, December 8th.

Freedom

"My religion compels me to worship God. Law, on the other hand, states that I have the freedom to do so. That implies that I am also free to not do so. That is to say that, legally, worship is not a duty, but only a right. The law is imposing something on me that outright contradicts my beliefs! Therefore... FREEDOM OF RELIGION CURTAILS FREEDOM OF RELIGION!"

"My God..."

Subliminal

"Doctor Anthony Schiavoni analyzed this dish soap ad and found over thirty hidden erotic images."

"Interesting. Is there any published study?"

"I have it right here."

"I see."

PATHOLOGICAL SEXUAL OBSESSIONS OF ANTHONY SCHIAVONI, Ph.D.: A Case Study

Shirts

"You are so biased! You should wear this to be truly objective."

Theory and practice

According to Levinthal and March (1993), few firms are successful at simultaneously developing both radical and incremental knowledge, primarily due to limited resources within the firm. Explicitly focusing on either exploration or exploitation as a means of enhancing the knowledge base generally implies not focusing on the other approach. As researchers (e.g., Hedlund, 1994; Schildt, Maula, & Keil, 2005; Volberda, 1996) have pointed out, focusing on radically new knowledge and focusing on incrementally enhancing a current knowledge base often require very different types of organizational cultures, capabilities, and structures…

"Welcome aboard! We are pleased to have someone with your academic credentials working for us."

"Thank you."

"Every new employee is asked to read this book. Please read it."

Once, long ago in a land far away, there lived four little characters who ran through a Maze looking for cheese to nourish them and make them happy.

Two were mice, named “Sniff” and “Scurry”, and two were Littlepeople — beings who were as small as mice but who looked and acted a lot like people today. Their names were “Hem“ and “Haw.“

"My education didn't prepare me for this."

Dummy

Somewhere over New Mexico, United Stated. July 1947.

"All ready for the crash test! Clear the area!"

Crying

"I don't like it! I don't like it!"

"I'm offended! I'm offended!"

Calm

"Ok, darling, let me tell you a little something. I understand what you're telling me about "evidence" and "scientific method". What I know, however, is that teachings of Guru Sanalachankla about the universe and the self have made me a very serene person and filled me with spiritual peace. And someone who doesn't know the first thing about them won't tell me won't tell me that tye are wrong! IS THAT CLEAR?"

"Perfectly."

Cover-up

"General, one of our spy drones went down near a populated area. We sent a recovery team, but there are witnesses and I am afraid the secrecy of the operation has been compromised."

"Don't worry. Everything is under control."

"It it wasn't a UFO crash, why did the military intervene? Why did they take the remains away before anyone could take a look at them? They're depriving us from the answer to the greatest enigma in history!"

"He's good. How much are we paying him?"

"Nothing. He doesn't even know he works for us."

Offended

"Can you believe how rude that atheist is? He compared my Lord Jesus Christ to the silly superstitions of the New Age."

"Yeah! When he talked to me he likened my worship of Nature to the patriarchal oppressive cult that is Christianity."

"So disrespectful."

"And intolerant!"

Natural health

"This natural remedy you gave me made me worse!"

"Only if we accept the narrow definition of 'health' imposed by the medical establishment. I use a much broader alternative definition."

Morality

"But... I don't want to!"

"Look, I already explained to you that I firmly believe that there can be no morality without religion. So stop offending my beliefs and go shoot some people!"

The rope

"Look at it rise! Awesome!"

"Are you sure this is a good time to pull the rope?"

"Of course it is! Can't you see it rising? It's the best time for it!"

"Look! The fat guy dropped the rope!"

"Oh, no! The fat guy knows what he does! It must be about to fall! Drop it! Drop it before it drags you up!"

"The fat guy was right! See how it's falling!"

"Phew! We dropped the rope just on time. It could have dra—"

CRASH

"... and that, my son, is how bull and bear market works. Do you understand?"

"No."

"That's my boy!"

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Sightings

"Have you ever seen an alien spacecraft?"

"Have you ever seen an unidentified flying object?"

"Have you ever seen strange lights in the sky?"

"Have you ever seen anything unusual when looking up?"

"People who have had a sighting experience"

"How can skeptics keep doubting the reality of alien visits in the face of the testimony of so many eyewitnesses?"

Consciousness raising

"Renowned top model Michelle Libonatti staged a naked protest against Japanese whaling this afternoon."

"We want to work here. For free if necessary!"

"It's up to us to make sure the protests go on!"

Disclaimer

"What you are about to see is based on actual events. Some details have been changed for dramatic purposes."

"What are you watching?"

"The news."

Photography

"When you told me you took digital photos, I didn't think you meant that your finger shows up in all of them"

Selling point

Education 2

This had been happening for some time now. No, some more time.

"Our educational policy is backfiring, Your Excellency!"

"Explain yourself, mister Secretary."

"Too many people are illiterate and can't read our corrected and expurgated history books."

Editorial event

"Mr. Dan Brown, your new novel, The Lost Symbol, is coming out six years after The Da Vinci Code. Why so long between novels?"

"I kept clicking 'Replace Next'. I didn't know I could use "Replace All" and be done with it much faster."

Invention

"For some reason my user-respectful alarm clock never took off commercially."

"The world is just not ready for it."

"It's 7 AM. Do you wish the alarm to go off? Yes / No"

Downstairs

"Welcome to Hell! Here, this is on the house."

"This is Hell? I was told it was a place of pain and suffering."

"Well, remember who the ones who think so are."

"Indecency! Vice! Debauchery everywhere! AAAHH!"

Drink ye all

"You're in big trouble, buddy. Your blood alcohol content is way over the legal limit."

A different culture

"The new crew member hails from a culture where they repress their emotions and their sex drive results in bouts of irrationality."

"Fascinating!"

"Hey, beauties! What's for dinner?"

Romantic

"I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent..."

"Hey, Arthur! I had no idea you liked poetry."

I love it! This Neruda guy is telling his woman to shut up so he can pretend she's not there. That's a real man!"

Manifestation

"Yeah, not exactly orthodox, but again, you can't admonish the Holy Ghost, now can you?"

"Boo!"

Efficacy

"My spiritual advisor told me to wear this to protect myself against envy."

"It's working. I don't envy you at all."

Education

"Literacy rates are at a historic low. More and more children are unschooled every year. This situation is not compatible with democracy, mister president!"

"I see."

"... therefore, I have appointed myself supreme dictator for life, as this regime is better suited to our educational system."

Wisdom

"He who has no material possessions longs for them. He who walks wants a car. He who rents dreams of owning his home. By surrounding myself with luxury and riches, I free my soul from those earthly preoccupations and can focus on my spiritual growth."

"So wise!"

"So enlightened!"

Natal chart

"Your astrological survey is ready, my dear! Venus tells me that you suffered from unrequited love when you were a young girl, but eventually you got over it. You're not totally happy with your job, but it gives you great satisfaction sometimes. You have some hidden talents many people know nothing abou—"

"Hey, you're telling me a lot of vague things that could be said of anyone. There's nothing specific about me!"

"Oh... Well... Well, how do you expect planets to be able to tell people apart from as far away as they are? Come on, my dear, let's be serious here!"

Alternative

You can stop being held hostage by the food barons!

Did you know that food is a multi-billion industry for the benefit of a few people?

Did you know that it is these few people who keep in place the outdated materialistic paradigm of food as a mere bunch of proteins, vitamins and carbohydrates?

Did you know that it is in this poweful lobby’s interest that the world hunger problem is never solved to keep a market for their products?

Break the shackles!
Try now the Alternative Foods of Doctor Randolph™!

The Alternative Foods* of Doctor Randolph** have been created to satisfy the nutritional requirements of the body, the mind and the spirit.

Quantum Talc Powder
Magnetic Rosewood
Aura Lacquer
Vibrational Cardboard
Energetic Brick
Millenary Polyester

No fats! No cholesterol!
No chemical preservatives!

* The Alternative Foods of Doctor Randolph must be in no way taken for a substitute for regular nourishment as they are meant only as a complement thereof.
** The word “doctor” is used for illustrative purposes only.

Values

"Woman condemned to death for adultery in Saudi Arabia. Human rights groups try to stop the execution."

"That's outrageous!"

"You can say that again! Who do these groups think they are to impose their values on another culture?"

"It's sickeningly imperialistic."

Reality

"How can you be so stubborn? It's quantum physics that says we create our own reality with our thoughts. It's a scientific fact!"

"In that case, why do you bother trying to convince me? Just create a reality where I believe you."

"Bu— but... It doesn't work that way!"

"Well, create a reality where it does work that way."

"Bah! You're impossible!"

"Have you arrived to a reality where you can't hear me yet?"

"SHUT UP!"

Leaflet

RELIGIOX™

QUALITATIVE COMPOSITION
Contents: dogma, arbitrary doctrine, tradition, ritual, excipient (fluff).

INDICATIONS
Symptomatic treatment for cases of depression, existential anguish, crippling terror of death, despair, chronic amorality, extreme curiosity in children.

THERAPEUTIC EFFECTS
According to dosage and form of administration: sedative, euphorizing, antidepressant, social cohesive, contraceptive.

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS
Addiction, hallucinations, sloppy thinking, superiority complex, emotional hypersensitivity, bouts of rage, suicidal tendencies, loss of will, loss of personal identity, loss of assets.

CONTRAINDICATIONS
Not recommended for psychiatric patients.

Public administration

"Huh? Are you really voting for this guy?"

"He's a successful businessman. If he runs the country as he manages his companies, we'll really pull through."

"These are hard times and sacrifices must be made if our nation is to weather this crisis. Thirty percent of the population will be laid off by the end of the month."

Engineering

"Good heavens! Who designed this? No safeguards... No redundancies... If a part were to fail, the entire system would fail in cascade!"

"Look, I'm sure that, as an engineer, you know quite a deal about gadgets, but you're obviously clueless about this. The manual says it never fails and that's it!"

FREE MARKET ECONOMY

Fair play

"How do you like this fair and balanced Tetris I programmed?"

"It's ok.

"So, what's fair and balanced about it?"

"Look and you'll see"

Congratulations! You don't need to try and fit this piece because it's doubtlessly compatible.

"Hey! That's cheating!"

"It's a perfectly valid alternative way of puzzle solving. Bigot!"

Apollo 11

On July 20th, 1969, the whole world saw Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin walking on the Moon.

Only a few, however, know that they were not alone.

All these years, NASA has jealously kept that information under wraps.

"S... O... S... Crewman... stranded... Send... help...

"I can't wait to lay hands on that pair of jokers."

Cosmic accident

"Ok, atheist guy, explain this. If the earth were closer to the sun, it would get scorched. If it were farther from the sun, it would freeze. It is, however, at the right distance for life to exist. So, tell me: who put the planet in this ideal place? Who did it, eh? Who?"

"That I'd like to know! Who put that planet there? We were supposed to need a sterile universe for this experiment!"

"I'm sorry, professor, but... There are billions and billions of planets to control, and I don't have any help!"

Due reverence

"What? I shook his hand and said 'good afternoon, sir, nice to meet you.' Wasn't I supposed to be respectful?"

Final defeat

It's not the first time they've run into trouble.

"ERROR: You have been permanently banned from this community."

"Well, it's a wonder they took this long."

Treatment

"Still sick? Didn't you see the naturopath I talked to you about?"

"I did. He gave a prescription and told me that, if it didn't cure me, at least it wouldn't harm me."

"So? What happened?"

"He got upset when I replied that, if I didn't pay to him, at least I wouldn't ask him money."

Flea Snobbery takes a vacation

This blog turns a year old this week, and as a celebration, I've decided to take a short recess. Barring any unexpected inconveniences or extended laziness, updates will be resumed next Tuesday. See you soon!

Intelligent design

"Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name..."

"Thank you, Lord, for reminding us that you don't forsake us..."

"The visual recognition module needs some tweaking."

"Impossible. The project has already run over budget."

Testimonial

"Doctor, is it true that your therapy totally eliminates stress?"

"Oh, yes! I used to be constantly stressed because time and money were never enough. But ever since I created this therapy, I live very well seeing only three patients a day. It has worked wonderfully for me!"